Sticks and Stones
by cookielover101
Summary: Words and violence hurt. But what's worse is when you hear nothing, and you're left to wallow in your thoughts.
1. Pinky Promise

**OMG! I'm starting my very first story on the fan-fiction website; and what better way to introduce****myself than on the BTR community? I am sooooooo excited- you don't even know. You might remember me from the many reviews I've left as my pen-name or as chapter is really short but it's only the beginning so don't worry. I really hope you enjoy this story and reviews, critique and ideas are happily accepted! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: No. I do not own BTR nor will I ever… unless…**

Sticks and Stones

*-*Chapter 1*-*

"Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt me." I have heard this saying through my whole life. But I know just as well as anybody that this statement is _totally_ untrue; because words do hurt. A lot. Especially when they come from your so called "best friends." But do you know what's worse than harsh words? _Silence. _Complete and utter silence. When people you would do anything for just suddenly drop you- it hurts. Sticks and stones _do _break my bones; but no words hurt more than hurtful ones ever could.

**BTRBTRBTRBTR**

Okay. I messed up big time. But I didn't _mean_ to. I didn't _mean_ to mess up Kendall and Jo's date. But seriously; how was I supposed to know that the crab would crawl away and scuttle to her hair? And I didn't _mean_ to set Logan's favourite math textbook on fire, it just kind of… happened. And I REALLY didn't _mean_ to spill my chocolate milkshake on James' new white pants in front of Rachael; I really didn't. But now I think the guys have had enough of my "didn't mean too's."

They haven't talked to me since the weekend and I think that now they're _really_ mad at me. I woke up this morning with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Not the kind when you've eaten too many corndogs, but the kind when you're totally afraid of what's going to happen next. I slowly stood up from my curled up position on the bed and let my bare feet hit the hardwood floor beneath them. I stretched and looked at the clock. 8:20. That means I have 40 minutes to kill. 40 minutes until I have to be around my friends all day. I started off to the bathroom.

After my 10 minute shower I threw on a purple graphic tee and grey skinny jeans with my purple and black Vans. I took a deep breath and headed down the stairs to the kitchen. The guys were talking and laughing… until I walked in. All eyes were on me and all conversation stopped. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact. I pulled out a red bowl from the cupboard and some Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the top of the fridge. I also grabbed some milk and poured it into the bowl along with the cereal. When I was done I headed over to the kitchen table while the guys were seated at the kitchen counter. I ate my cereal in silence. When I finished I put my bowl in the sink and went down to the lobby, not being able to take any more uncomfortable silence.

At the lobby I saw Stephanie who was on one of the orange chairs and I sat next to her. It took her a few moments to notice my presence. "Oh, hey Carlos, how's it going?" She asked. I sighed. "Not too well Steph. The guys are still upset with me. They'll barely look at me; much less have a conversation." After the dance Stephanie and I decided that we just being friends would be better than us as a couple. "Still? Oh, Carlos don't worry soon enough they'll come around and realize how stupid they're being and come apologize to you," she said looking very genuine, yet I still couldn't get the knot out of my stomach. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Positive," she replied eagerly. I looked down. She sighed and stuck out her pinky. "I pinky promise." I smiled widely and locked my fingers with hers, because for a moment, I believed her.

**OKAY! That was the first chapter of hopefully many! I'll try to update ASAP. As I said before ideas are accepted and reviews are REALLY appreciated. BTW this chapter is dedicated to Hikari No Kasai. He is an amazing writer and so funny! So go check out his stories now! Later peepz.**


	2. Not Beside You

**a/n: OMG-peers. You guys are awesome! I got a bunch of reviews, hits and visitors! That is so totally awesome- you don't even know. It's like you hope for it but you never think that it would actually happen. So I would just like to say- I LOVE YOU GUYS!**

**I especially love you if you reviewed and/or read this story or if you have read/reviewed my other story "You're my Everything" now on to chapter 2!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or the song "Beside You" by Marianas Trench. **

^Chapter 2: Not Beside You^

I began helping Stephanie write her script for her new movie "Frozen Heart." Her manger (A.K.A her dad), suggested to make more money she should write movies of all genres, so right now she's working on an action/romance. We wrote about ¾ of a page when I got a text from Kelly declaring that the limo had arrived.

"I don't know if I can do it Steph," I said nervously, biting my nails. She sighed with a roll of her eyes, and then pulled my hand from my mouth. "Dude. You don't have anything to worry about." I was surprised at how calm she was acting. "Nothing to worry about?" I echoed. "I have to be with them all day, work with them all day and be ignored by them all day. So if you ask me, I think that is something to worry about." "Carlos. Calm down, you'll be fine, alright. So go get 'em tiger!" She said with a shove, causing me to drop to the floor. I got up with a groan. "I won't be able to get anyone with a broken collarbone," I stated gruffly. She laughed and helped me up. "Good luck Carlos." I hope her words helped, because I knew I'd need all the luck I could get.

The ride to the studio was silent on my part. Kelly was texting rapidly on her phone while the others were having hushed conversations, their eyes glancing every so often at me. I felt as though I was in middle school again, seeing all the whispering girls stare at you, giggling, and hearing all the intimidating jocks laughing at you, pointing unashamedly. It was all too much, but I had to keep my emotions in check.

When we arrived at the studio Kelly and the guys quickly stepped out of the limo. I took a deep breath and composed myself before stepping out as well. I decided to trail behind, not wanting to draw much attention to myself. I entered the studio and as soon as I stepped foot through the door Gustavo starting yelling at us.

"DOGS! Many of your fans have been requesting you sing a cover song of a ballad. So you're going to be doing a cover of "Beside you" by Marianas Trench. KENDALL! You're parts are blue. LOGAN! You're parts are yellow. JAMES! You're parts are green. CARLOS! You're parts are orange. And for all of you to sing together it is purple. Get it? Got it? GOOD! NOW GET IN THE STUDIO!" We all did as we were told.

Kendall

When your tears are spent

On your last pretense

And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense

James

When it's in your spine

Like you've walked for miles

And the only thing you want is just, to be still for a while

All

(Oh way oh way oh ohh, oh way oh way ohh)

Kendall

And if your heart wears thin

I will hold you up

And I will hide you, when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you; I'll be right beside you

Logan

You're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath

And the space between the things you know, are burning none-the-less

When you try to speak… but you make no sound

And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so late!

Kendall

And if your heart wears thin

I will hold you up

James

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you; I'll be right beside you. I will stay, nobody will break you. Yeah

Carlos

Trust me, trust me, don't pull away!

Just trust me trust me, I'm just trying to keep us together

'Cause I could do worse and you could do better!

Tears are spent on your last pretense

And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense

James

And if your heart wears thin

Logan

I will hold you up and I will hide you when it gets too much

Carlos

I'll be right beside you, I'll be right beside you, nobody will break you

Kendall

And if your heart wears thin

I will hold you up

And I will hide you, if it gets too much

All

I'll be right beside you, nobody will break you

I poured my heart and soul into that song. Why? I don't know. I feel that since the only person in regular contact with me is Stephanie, I have to use music and my newly-found career as my release.

As the song ended I took my hand off the side of the headphones, waiting for Gustavo to yell my ears off, telling us of the things we did wrong. Instead, he just sat there, his hands folded on his large belly. I began to twiddle my thumbs, another nervous habit of mine. Gustavo began to speak, making my heart beat quickly. "THAT! … Wasn't so bad, actually that was probably the best thing you've ever sung. Especially you Carlos." It took me a moment for my brain to comprehend what he'd said. "Me?" I asked pointing at myself. "Yes you. Now I don't give out compliments a lot so don't expect this to happen again, but you sounded so raw during your solos. Good job." I slightly blushed at the unexpected compliment. "Thanks," I mumbled looking down.

The rest of the day was in a word… scary. We recorded harmonies and layers for the cover all day along with practicing our choreography with Mr. X, but ever since we did our first recording I noticed that James was staring me down. Actually, it was an intense glare. All day I felt the hateful eyes bearing a hole into the small of my back; but I tried to ignore it for the most part.

"Dogs you are excused for the day," Gustavo bellowed. Kendall and Logan immediately rushed out of the door and into the limo, seemingly having race. I sighed and picked myself up from the floor. I started for the door when James stopped me. "Carlos," he called. For some reason I felt afraid. For some reason I felt my blood run cold. It was weird, I've never been afraid of James before. "Yes?" I asked timidly. "What were you doing back there?" I tilted my head to the side, wondering what he was talking about. "Huh?" "You totally stole my spotlight! One minute you're the worst singer on the universe and then you steal my one chance and truly impressing Gustavo! You know as well as anyone that that song was perfect for my vocal range! Why do you keep messing things up for me?" I tried to interject but he beat me to the punch. "You know what? Forget it. It's whatever now."

He walked away leaving me standing there feeling really sad. I should've known. Even when I'm trying my best not to upset anyone, I do it anyway!

The comment about my singing was a pretty bad blow. I know before Big Time Rush I wasn't the best singer, but I didn't think that the worst singer on the universe was an appropriate term to use.

My thoughts were swarming in my head, making me feel dizzy. I sat onto the white couch and put my head in my hands. 'Ugh' I thought. 'I can NEVER to anything RIGHT! No matter how hard I try I always end of messing things up for everyone! I should just stop trying… forever. I SHOULD JUST' "Carlos." I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my name being called. I looked up and saw that Kelly was looking at me with worried eyes.

"Hey Kelly," I said with a sigh. "Carlos, what's the matter? Why aren't you on your way home with the others?" she asked. "I have a slight headache and needed to sit down for a while," I half-lied. I did have a headache, but I was also avoiding the guys. "… Carlos. Is something wrong? You're unusually quiet today, and there seems to be a lot of tension between you and the boys," she stated. "You have no idea," I mumbled under my breath. "What's the matter? Come on Carlos you can tell me." I looked into her eyes, knowing I could trust her. "I've messed up my friendship with James, Kendall and Logan," I complained dejectedly. "They're tired of me messing up and making everything go wrong for them… so now they've pretty much dropped me." I stared at my feet, tears in my eyes; but I willed myself not to cry. "Oh, Carlos," Kelly exclaimed throwing her skinny arms around my broad shoulders. "Don't worry honey, soon they'll realize how stupid they're being and come and apologize. I promise," she declared confidently. It's funny; she's the second person that's said that. But now I'm having doubting thoughts. "Thanks Kelly," I said plastering a completely fake smile onto my face. "Anytime Carlos, now go home." I nodded and headed to the limo.

Gone. The limo was gone. I walked outside to where the limo always is, and I find the spot completely empty; as if it was never taken up at all. I stood there; shocked. Maybe they have decided to drive completely out of my life. I wouldn't be surprised at all if they did.

Wahhhhhh! There I have accomplished chapter 2 after… about 5 hours of writing, re-writing and editing! This chapter goes out to my reviewers because you guys are extremely awesome and I love you! Which is why I am giving you all… virtual Snuggies! LOL you too can get a virtual Snuggie… if you review! Wait! You can get an additional Snuggie if you review my other story! So go do that now! LOL ok until next time… later peepz.

BTW I am SO SORRY for not updating earlier! FF was being a derk (dick+jerk) so yeah! Sorry ttyl!


	3. Headaches and Friendship

**a/n: Uhhhhhhh I dunno I'm pretty sure this is just a filler chapter. The drama is coming soon! So… BE PATIENT! Sorry… along with Carlos' dad I took sensitivity training 9 times. **

**Disclaimer: I used to own BTR, but then they escaped their cells I kept them in. Now all I own in the plot. **

Chapter 3: Headaches and Friendship

I blinked hard and then rubbed my eyes, as if by doing these actions the limo would magically re-appear in front of my eyes. As I removed my tanned hand away from my eye I sighed when I noticed that I still had no mode of transportation.

I was beginning to feel miserable. Huge headache, aching muscles, no limo to drop me home, and at this point… no friends. "My life keeps getting better and better," I mumbled sarcastically to myself.

'I might as well get going,' I thought. With a deep breath I started my 45 minute trek to the Palm Woods.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-BTR/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

It seems like everything and everyone are trying (and succeeding) in making me trying to feel absolutely horrible.

Despite what people may think about me, I'm very observant. I was always good at noticing the smallest details in things. I was good at reading people; finding out what makes them tick.

Being this way was both a curse and a blessing. It's a blessing because it helps me notice things not typically seen by the human eye. It's a curse because sometimes there are things that I really don't want to see.

The whole way there I managed to find things mocking me. Everything was practically screaming "You're such a friendless loser!" in my face. I recalled seeing a group of ants, 4 of them to be exact, carrying food of some sort. The one trailing at the back dropped his tiny piece of bread and stopped to pick it up, struggling to do so. When it finally did, the ant soon realized that he was left behind by the others. 'Welcome to my world buddy,' I thought bitterly.

I saw banners and billboards advertising happy friends. I saw T.V commercials about them. I even saw four girls with shopping bags in hand, talking and laughing together, gently pushing one another. I found myself longing to be in their position again (but with duffle bags instead of shopping bags).

By the time I had gotten to the Palm Woods it was 4:50 p.m. We were released at 4:00. I groaned when I heard Stephanie call my name.

"Dude! Where were you? I needed you like an hour ago; you know when the other guys were here!" I could tell that she was upset. I was supposed to help with writing her script again when I got back; and she took her script writing very seriously.

"I'm really sorry Steph but… something happened," I confessed, rubbing the back of my neck with my right hand.

"Well it better have been important!" she exclaimed angrily. I pondered on how to tell her what happened. I decided on just telling her the truth without beating around the bush.

"James and I got into a fight. Well actually he yelled at me… but then after he left I told Kelly the whole story and what happened after she saw me upset. When I walked outside to the limo, it was gone. I had to walk home with a headache, that's why it took me a little longer to get home than usual. I'm really sorry Stephanie." I felt like I was complaining, and I didn't want that, but by the end of my confession I noticed that Stephanie's eyes softened, and sadness and regret were buried shallowly into them.

"Oh Carlos," she started, coming in for a hug which I gladly returned. "You shouldn't be the one apologizing, I should. I immediately suspected that you ditched me or something. I should've known that you wouldn't… I'm such a horrible friend-"

"Stop right there Girly Girl," I interrupted, using her odd nickname that I gave her. "I probably would've done the same if I was in your shoes. You are most definitely NOT a horrible friend, got it? All this time you've stuck by me when I needed it the most and others wouldn't. Now let's just agree that neither of us is to blame, OK?" I asked.

"OK, Manly Man," she replied, now using my nickname.

I smiled back at her but winced when my head continued to pound against my skull. "I think I'm going to go upstairs and lay down for a while," I croaked. "Alright, see ya soon Carlitos." I nodded and headed towards the elevators.

When they opened a minute later I saw Logan exit, dressed in his swim attire and a big science book in his hand. When he noticed me he looked away. I nearly cringed and gaped because it hurt so much.

Logan and I were always naturally close. We were best friends in Pre-K, even before we met Kendall and James.

I didn't get a look in his eyes, but I'm sure if I did I would find that they would be full of betrayal and hatred, just like James' were over an hour ago.

I stepped into the metal cage and pressed the 'close' button, Right before the doors slowly came to a close I got a glimpse of Logan's eyes. I was surprised when instead of what James felt, I saw sadness, guilt, and morose; just like me.

**a/n: not a long chapter this time and I'm kinda disappointed with it. But I liked the middle. :D Ummm… well I hope this chapter was OK… I don't have much to say right now so…**

**Later peepz **


	4. Weight Off my Shoulders

**a/n: I like this chapter! It has weird stuff in it! I enjoy weird stuff. I kinda wrote this randomly, I was like so bored so I'm like "Hey I should work on chapter 4 of Sticks and Stones!" so I did. I hope you all enjoy picturing Carlos in shredded clothes… I know I do. *gawks* Don't look at me like that! I know I'm not normal! It's a condition! Leave me alone! *sobs* **

**Carlos: There, there Taylor.**

**Me: *freezes then puts Carlos in an indestructible box* Ha-ha!**

**Carlos: Not again…**

**Me: Yes again now do the disclaimer *whips with licorice***

**Carlos: Licorice? Whatever Taylor does not own BTR… or at least the rest of them. And she doesn't own Salt and Vinegar Lays Chips either.**

**Me: Good boy!**

**Carlos: *mouths* Help me!**

Chapter 4: Weight of My Shoulders

I cursed myself. Why couldn't I be normal? If I was normal then I wouldn't even be in this stupid mess! Although it wasn't really official (it was one of those unwritten things), I felt like I have lost the best friends I will ever have. Ugh.

I walked into 2J, immediately seeing Mama Knight. I also immediately heard… the vacuum. I love Mama Knight and all, but couldn't she have vacuumed like six hours ago? I closed the door, which must have gotten her attention because she turned around and smiled at me.

"Hey, Carlos," she said warmly. "Hey Mama Knight." "How was your day today?" she asked. "Fine," I lied. My day was far from fine, but she doesn't need to worry about anything else, especially not me.

She turned off the vacuum and looked at seriously.

"What's the matter hun?" she asked, concern lacing her voice. "Nothing. Just a headache is all." I felt so bad for lying to her but I didn't need her to scold the others, making them even madder at me. I was glad when she bought my act and said, "Oh! Well let me get you an aspirin. I'll stop cleaning, too. Will that help dear?" I smiled. "Yes, thanks Mama Knight." She smiled back at me then rushed off for the medicine.

Eventually she returned with two aspirins and a glass of water. I smiled gratefully and headed off to my room, falling asleep after taking the aspirin and dropping on my bed

2 hours later

I woke up to a loud banging on my door, and even louder yelling.

"CarLOS! You lazy bum! Wake up!" Katie.

"Get up Carlos! I'm not playing!" Stephanie.

I groggily got out of bed, my headache completely gone. I rubbed my eyes as I opened my now abused door. The girls weren't expecting that, so they continued to knock on my head and chest.

"I just got over a headache you know," I said tiredly. Katie jumped and Stephanie screamed at the sound of my voice.

"Dude! You scared me!" Stephanie said while slapping my arm.

"And you woke me up," I replied smartly. She gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry, but we need your help. Now," she said defiantly. I rolled my eyes. "Fine what do you need?"

The girls smiled. "See Katie, I told you he would agree," Stephanie gloated to the small girl, who shrugged in reply. "Guess we didn't need the rope." My eyes widened, to which the brunettes laughed. "Relax, we're just kidding. Now here's what's going down: We need to distract Mr. Bitters for 5-10 minutes," Katie told me.

"… Why?" I asked skeptically. Stephanie sighed. "Be-cause Mr. Nosy… we're bored and need something entertaining to do." I chuckled. "Fine, just gimme a second," I said, before slipping back into my room, shutting the door. When I came back I had slightly shredded shirt on. "Let's do this."

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Mr. Bitters! You've gotta help me!" I shouted at the fat manager who was currently stuffing Salt and Vinegar Lays Chips into his small mouth.

"What?" he asked a large piece of chip flying out of his mouth and onto my left cheek. I froze and raised my hand and flicked off the spit-covered chip. Once over my shock and disgust, I said "You've gotta help me man! There's, there's, and there's… there are voices! In my head! They keep telling me to do things and I can't stop myself from doing them. You've gotta-" I froze and gave Mr. Bitters a blank stare while he gave me a creeped out one. After a few moments I pretended to come out of my daze and started to slowly walk away from his desk. When I heard him start to follow me I broke out into a run. "Hey! Get back here!" he yelled, beginning to chase me.

I started to do the most stupid things to distract him I nearly jumped off the roof, I ran into a random car, and started screaming in the Jennifer's faces. I'm pretty sure he dropped about a whole suit size from chasing me.

As I was in the middle of climbing a tree in the Palm Woods Park, Katie informed me that the mission was complete, and I had to now lead Bitters to his office. I smirked. This is gonna be fun.

I froze on the tree, my face going blank. "Not again!" I heard Bitters shout. I slowly climbed down and looked at the large man evilly. "What did they say now?" he asked, obviously agitated. "Get Bitters," I replied darkly. His eyes widened and he ran (more like waddled) while screaming his head off. "Too easy," I said as I casually walked towards the lobby. I just heard the door slam as I walked through the pool doors.

"Nice job," Stephanie commented. I smirked in accomplishment. "What'd you do?" Katie asked incredulously. I gave her an innocent smile. "Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." We all laughed. I have to admit, laughing after being upset for a while felt really refreshing.

I felt even better when I heard the stink bomb go off in Mr. Bitter's office. I also heard the loud alarm blare and him scream in surprise when the pie hit his face.

"AH!" he screamed. He rushed out of his office, pie covering his whole face. I couldn't help but bust out laughing, along with the rest of the lobby. "It's not funny! Who did this?" The whole lobby went silent. No one moved a muscle. The dimpled man scowled. "Who. Did. This?" he questioned once again, slower this time. Just as he was about to say something else his boss came up.

"What is this mess Mr. Bitters?" the angry man wondered aloud. "Regional manager Taylor! Uh… Um… Well…" as Mr. Bitters struggled for an explanation, the girls and I made our quick escape.

As we entered 2J, we all busted out laughing again, high-fiving each other and patting each other's backs.

"That was awesome!" Katie said, giggles slightly subsiding. Stephanie and I nodded, also recovering from our own laughing fits. "Yeah, we totally got him! And when his manger stormed in; classic," Stephanie exclaimed.

"That was the most fun I've had in a long time," I concluded. The girls nodded. "Well. I better head in for dinner soon or my Dad will freak. See you guys later," Stephanie said, exiting the apartment. Katie and I waved before the door closed.

As Stephanie left the apartment, Katie spun towards me, her brown hair hitting me in the process. "Okay, spill the beans," she said defiantly.

"What beans?" I asked, utterly confused as to what she wanted to know. The brunette simply rolled her eyes. "You just said 'that was the most fun I've had in long time.' What was that? The Carlos I knew would have that amount of fun every 2 hours. There's something wrong with you and I need to know what it is." I gulped. This 10-year-old is too smart for her own good. "N-nothing's wrong," I stuttered.

"Carlos. Don't give me that. You and I both know that you can't lie to me." I sighed, knowing she was right.

"Fine. Have you noticed that… the guys and I haven't exactly been getting along very well lately?" She stopped to think about it before she nodded her head. "Yeah, I have noticed that. They've seemed kinda distant towards you. Is something going on?" I nodded then went on to explain to her what was going on for the last couple of days. When I had finished she stood up from her current place on the couch.

"Where are you going?" I asked. "To go have a talk with the three nimrods you work with." My eyes widened. "No, No, NO! Don't!" I whined. "Why not?' Katie asked, placing a hand on her hip. "Because they're gonna be even madder at me!" I knew I sounded extremely desperate and whiny but I really didn't want her to say anything. "You're such a baby," she said with an eye-roll. "But a baby you're going to listen to, right?" She sighed. "Right," she answered with a groan. I grinned widely. "Thanks, Katie!" I exclaimed as I hugged her tightly. "No problem. Just let go." I chuckled as I did so.

It felt good telling Katie what was going on. Doing so made me feel as though I had another person who doesn't hate me. I grinned to myself. Weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

**a/n: Kinda a filler chapter. The next one will be too but in Chapter 6, something is gonna happen to somebody. If you read Chapter 5 carefully (specifically one part) you might see it coming. Okay, so I'm going to go eat a pizza! Review please! I'll update when I get at least 5 reviews. Just kidding I always wanted to say that. I'll update on Friday.**

**Later peepz!**


	5. Not Getting Getting Any Easier

**a/n: Okay so before you come after me with your sharp…pointy… and flaming things *gulps* I can explain. You see when I was getting ready to post the chapter, the wi-fi in my house decided not to work. When it finally came back a few days later, my computer decided to get a virus. Making me lose ALL of my work. The only got thing I got outta this was that I keep all my FF stories on my iPod too. I'm SO sorry that is weeks late and I hardly think that this makes up for it but I hope the next one does! So enjoy chapter 5 of Sticks and Stones.**

**Oh yeah! Big props to ****Anonymous Skrtle, CheekyBrunette, Hikari no Kasai, bluestring, Supporterrrr, whatsinyourwallet and Robin-n-Hoodie for reviewing, favouriting and alerting this story. You guys rock eh! (I'm feeling really Canadian right now)**

_**Now**_** on to the story.**

_-_Chapter 5: Not Getting Any Easier_-_

It's been two months since I've been ditched, and there was still no change. If there was though, it must've been that they hate me even more.

Over the course of those 2 months I've developed a schedule. I've almost _never_ had a schedule. I usually just go with the flow, but now it's completely different.

8:00: Wake up

8:00– 8:20: Teeth brushing/showering

8:20- 9:00: Hang out with Stephanie and/or Katie

9:00- 4:00: Be at Rocque Records

4:00- 7:00: Hang out with Stephanie and/or Katie (again)

7:00- 8:30: Chill in the apartment

8:30- 10:00: Draw whatever I'm feeling

10:00: Go to bed

_**Repeat**_

This is my new schedule. It's pretty lame. Before my friends hated me I never had a schedule. The only bit of schedule I had was when I had to go to school (which starts in less than a month).

This summer has been so hard for me. I've never gone a week without the guys, much less a whole summer. I've become more independent and for that I'm grateful, but at the cost of losing my best friends? I would've rather depended on people.

**==========-I LOVE BTR AND THIS PAGEBREAK-========**

I've been at Rocque Records all day today, my thoughts elsewhere. Lately I've been thinking about my grandmother and siblings. I couldn't stand being without them for so long, and for that I was lost in my own world. And apparently… Gustavo noticed.

"All of you are dismissed for today." We all breathed a huge sigh of relief and began to walk out of the studio. "EXCEPT FOR YOU!" We all turned to see that he was pointing at me. The other guys sighed and gave me harsh glances, in which I responded by looking down.

When they all left Kelly closed the door behind them and turned to me along with Gustavo.

"CARLOS! Is there a reason why you particularly SUCK TODAY?" I sighed and looked down again. "I-I guess I just got a little distracted today Gustavo. It won't happen again, I promise," I said dejectedly.

"It better not! DISMISSED!" he shouted with his usual booming voice. I walked out of the recording studio and headed for the car. I was passing by the white couches when Kelly stopped me.

"Is there something wrong Carlos? Is it the guys?" she questioned, concern lacing her delicate voice.

"Nah, not this time," I replied with a small smile. "I'm just a little homesick is all." She looked at me skeptically before nodding slowly.

"Okay hun. But if anything else is bothering you don't hesitate to tell me alright?" I nodded before bidding her a quick ado and heading to the car.

I knew that if the guys would ditch me once that they would do it again. So with that thinking I decided to use the BTR Mobile. Mrs. Knight drives her rental mini-van and the guys use the limo. So with Mama Knight's permission, I used the car to drive to work and anywhere else I needed to go.

**-===========ANOTHER AMAZING PAGEBREAK-==============**

I arrived at the hotel in record time. Stephanie was sick, and her dad strictly said "No visitors". I decided to follow his warnings and headed to the apartment to get my swim stuff.

15 minutes later I had my purple and black swim shorts on with my black muscle shirt. I also had my sketchbook and iPod with me.

After entering the pool area I scanned the whole place. In "our" area Logan was reading a medical book that he had been engrossed with for the past couple of days. Kendall was talking to Jo and James was unashamedly flirting with Rachael.

'_Guess he had no problem winning her back,'_ I thought. I noticed that the chair that I used to take up was empty, as if everyone was waiting for me to occupy it. I sighed, knowing that wasn't going to happen.

I then stalked over to an empty cabana, just wanting to be by myself. I popped my iPod ear buds in my ears and pressed play. Some Spanish song that I didn't remember the name of came on. I sang along before I found myself drawing my deceased mother. I missed her so much. I decided to draw her head and shoulders, going from bottom to top.

Her shoulders we small and delicate, unlike mine as they were large and broad. I spent awhile getting them perfect before moving on to her neck which was like her shoulders, small and delicate.

My mom, as well as myself, dad and siblings, had a dog chain around her neck. When my parents decided that 3 kids were enough and that they weren't going to have anymore, they got us all matching dog chains. They each had out names and birthdates on the front, a picture of all of us on the back. I fingered my necklace. This was one of the last things I had of her. I drew my mom's necklace, making sure to get every single detail right.

Her face was exactly like mine, but a female version of it. We both had dimples in our cheeks that only showed when we smiled. Her chin was pointy but suits her face well. Her large smile reached her chocolate brown eyes that showed nothing but pure happiness and joy. Her eyelashes were naturally long and her eyebrows were perfectly sculpted, which was difficult to get right. Her nose was small and short.

My favourite thing about her was her hair. It was long, sleek and black, with the tiniest hint of brown. It was straight, but I liked when it was slightly curled, making it a bit wavy. When I was younger I loved to play with my mom's hair. When I got older I would brush it and comb it. Sometimes she would even let me braid it. My sister Marissa taught me how and it stuck with me.

I was so focused on my drawing and my music that I didn't notice that someone had joined me until they tapped my shoulder.

I jumped about 10 feet in the air, dropping my pencil on the table. I turned around quickly and saw Jo sitting next to me with an amused grin on her face.

Immediately I glanced towards Kendall who was giving me a look that clearly said _"Don't you dare try anything."_ I gulped before turning back to Jo.

"What was that for?" I asked jokingly. "I didn't do anything," she said, batting her brown eyelashes. We laughed together. "What're you doing over here all by yourself?" she questioned, peering over the drawing that I was quick to cover up.

"N-nothing. I was doing nothing," I replied quickly. "Really? Because I saw you focusing on a drawing," she stated bluntly. "Well then you must be seeing things." She rolled her eyes. "Please? Please can I see?" she asked, making her eyes wide. I tried to resist but failed epically.

"Fine," I sighed. "Yay!" she cheered clapping. I pushed the book over to her and she searched through it.

"You drew these?" I needed, blushing. "These are amazing… they're so beautiful," she breathed. "Thanks."

"Who's that?" she asked. My breath hitched before I answered. "My mom," I replied quietly.

"You're mom…" she repeated. "She looks just like you. Where is she? Is she in Minnesota?" I could feel my eyes beginning to glaze over.

"In a way… she's at the cemetery." I could see her trying to figure out what I meant. Suddenly her eyes widened.

"Oh…Oh my God… I-I'm so sorry," she said, giving me a hug. "S'okay," I replied, looking over her shoulder at Kendall. He had his arms crossed and his eyes were in slits. I pulled away, looking her in the eyes. "Thanks." She nodded.

I stood up and started picking up my stuff. "I'm gonna head upstairs. See ya Jo." "See ya Carlos."

When I got in the elevator I leaned against the back wall and closed my eyes. This was getting harder and harder.

**a/n: Yeah that was short and an epic fail. Again I'm SO sorry that this was so late. So if you would please put your weapons down I would really appreciate it. **

**Any ideas are welcome and reviews are greatly accepted. Until next time.**

**Later peeps.**


	6. School of Collapse

**a/n: Kay so I found some time to update so I did! I may or may not go to my Dad's house next week so I am super duper nervous (read my other story Inside Out and you'll know why) so yeah. The details aren't really clear yet because they left to Florida until next Monday. If I go then I won't be able to update until I return. **

**Thanks to Anonymous Skrtle, Hikari no Kasai, Jessayra, CheekyBrunette, bluestring, T-Bone14, say, and freakycutiecarlos for reviewing, alerting and favouriting. **

**Now for the next chapter of Sticks and Stones.**

**Disclaimer: I own an iPod, a laptop and... nope not BTR.**

=+=Chapter 6: School of Collapse=+=

School has started again. Whoop de doo. (Please note my sarcasm). Mrs. Knight took us all on individual shopping trips for back-to-school stuff.

It was about two weeks into school and I wasn't feeling well. I passed the wave of nausea I just felt off as nothing.

During history I continued to feel nauseous as well as dizzy. I tried to focus on what Ms. Collins was saying but that became harder and harder with each passing second. I felt myself swaying slightly so I discreetly grabbed the sides of my wooden desk. My head began to pound so I bowed my head and closed my eyes tightly. I faintly heard Ms. Collins ask something before calling my name.

"Carlos? Can you answer my question please?" I wanted to respond but I couldn't. My head was killing me and I couldn't think straight. I tried to focus on calming myself down more than anything else.

"Carlos? Is something the matter?" I barely felt myself nod but I did nonetheless. "What's wrong sweetie?" she asked. Though she spoke softly her voice sounded like an extreme earthquake. My head was spinning rapidly and I soon found myself falling to the ground, darkness overcoming me.

**Stephanie POV**

I watched as Carlos collapsed onto the floor. I gasped along with others as some girls screamed. I immediately rushed to his side along with Ms. Collins.

"He has a weak pulse and his breathing is shallow. Johnny call 911!" Johnny did so while everyone crowed the Latino on the classroom floor.

"Everybody back up!" I shouted. "He needs all the breathing room in he can get!" I ordered, everyone moving back a couple steps.

As everyone was fussing over Carlos I looked up to see Kendall, James and Logan all leaning against the far wall in the room, talking as if nothing was wrong. I scowled at Logan as he looked my way. He visibly gulped and turned his head away.

Eventually the ambulance came and I followed. "Whoa there, where do you think you're going little lady?" One of the paramedics asked me.

"I _think _I'm going to go in the ambulance with my friend," I replied, trying to get through. "Oh no you're not, it's policy. I'm afraid you're going to have to follow the ambulance and wait in the E.R. waiting room like everyone else," he explained, blocking my path. "Fine," I scowled. I was about to leave and head for the hospital when I noticed that Carlos "friends" weren't coming alone.

"Uh, hello." I greeted as I walked up to the three boys that just exited the classroom.

Kendall smiled. "Hey, Stephanie."

"Don't you 'hey Stephanie' me Kendall," I snarled. He put his hands up in a surrendering position. "Whoa what'd I do?" I scoffed and crossed my arms, an eye-roll going along with my aggravated look.

"What did you do? Did you not see your _best friend_ since _Pre-K_ collapse in the classroom? Because, if you did, you're not doing anything about it!" I all but yelled, fury coursing through my veins.

"What are we supposed to do?" James asked carelessly while combing is hair. I roughly grabbed it from his hand and threw it to a random corner. "HEY!"

I ignored his yelp of protest and continued on with my rant. "Well for one thing, Logan would've been all doctor-y and gave orders. Kendall would've making sure everything was in order and went according to plan, while James would've done what was asked. Where were those people because I didn't see them in the classroom? Does your friendship with him mean nothing to you?"

"...He's not our friend anymore," Logan stated quietly. I scoffed again.

"What because he burned a book, ruined a date, and stained pants?" I asked disbelievingly. I was utterly disgusted when they nodded their heads.

"You're not his friends because of those stupid reasons? You do know that he thinks you hate him right? He's _scared_ of you. He's _never_ been scared of you. He thinks that if he says or does the wrong thing around you that you're going to lash out on him or something.

"You do know that everything he did was an accident right? And if I was informed correctly than I know that _you're_ book was replaced with a new and deluxe edition. That _you're _pantswere re-bought and that he offered to arrange and pay for your next date. Am I right?"

The guys nodded. "You guys are being so stupid right now. All Carlos is doing is trying to make things right but you keep pushing him away. He's built a shell around himself. He only acts normally when he's with me or Katie. He didn't mean to do what he did!"

"But we're tired of hearing him saying that! He needs to learn to be more responsible and mature! That's why we're angry!" Kendall shouted, Logan and James nodding in agreement to every new point he said. My mouth gaped.

"I swear if we weren't in a lobby full of kids and parents I would be cursing at you so much that you're heads would spin," I said with gritted teeth. "You guys are acting like jerks and I for one am tired of it. You know just as well as I do that he needs all the love and support he can get. His parents are _dead_. He lives with his sick grandmother and two siblings. His other family is somewhere he isn't even aware of. He's just so scared of losing more people and he feels that he already lost you. He depended on you to be is rocks and you failed him. I never thought that I would see the day any of you turned your backs on one of your friends. You three are the most selfish, rude, and uncaring jerks I have ever met in my life! I'll be at the hospital if you need me... or if you decide to do the right thing." I turned on my heel, purposely whipping my hair at them.

I angry slammed my car door, disgusted with those three boys. Just as I was about to put my keys in the ignition I saw Mrs. Knight.

"Mrs. K!" I called out. She looked up and smiled.

"Hi Stephanie," she greeted as she approached my car. "Hey...um I don't know how to say this so I'll just come out and say it: Carlos is in the hospital.

**a/n: Stephanie is my hero. XD. Just kidding but I felt that this needed to be done. *nods* Someone had to smack some sense into those morons. **

**I got a review and it made me reconsider the whole story. What they said made me change up the plot a little. Not that much but it'll kinda change.**

**Another thing I realised was this: in the show Kendall usually speaks the most. But in **_**this **_**story, Kendall isn't allowed to talk that much. It's all about Carlos. **

**Next chapter will have some things being revealed and there will be more Logie. *winks* **

**Until next time. Later peepz. **


	7. NewlyFound Wisdom

**a/n: Yo, yo, yo what up, what up, what up? Sorry I won't do that again. So have ya missed me? *blushes* I know you did! OMG! I just noticed that the acronym for this is SAS, and if there was another 's' than it would spell SASS, which is what Stephanie gave to the boys in that last chapter! Ha-ha lol I'm hyper. Never give Taylor obscene amounts of cookies at a time. Not much too else to say today (how surprising) so I'm just going to let you enjoy the seventh chapter of Sticks and Stones.**

**WAIT! I forgot to thank Hikari no Kasai, Carla, CheekyBrunette, bluestring, T-Bone14, Robin-n-Hoodie, xEryChan, Anonymous Skrtle, UttermostX, AND Lito-Arumi for reviewing and favouriting and alerting my story. YOU GUYS ROCK! (And so do you other people who read this, love you guys too!)**

((((Chapter 7: Newly-Found Wisdom))))

**Stephanie POV**

I watched as Mrs. Knight's face paled. "H-hospital?**" **stuttered. I nodded solemnly. She straightened herself before walking around to the passenger seat in the car. "Let's go." I nodded again and headed to the hospital.

Mrs. Knight was nervous the whole way. I could tell by the way she squirmed in her seat and twiddled her thumbs.

"Mrs. Knight-" I started. "Kim. Call me Kim," she said absentmindedly, still staring blankly ahead. "Oh, well... it's okay. I'm sure he'll be fine. I mean... he's Carlos!" she looked over at me and smiled.

"I suppose you're right. But I guess when I hear that any of my boys are in the hospital I always assume the worst." I nodded as I pulled into a parking space in the E.R. parking lot. "Yeah. Expect the worst so you'll never be disappointed."

We walked briskly into the E.R. and Kim immediately went up to the receptionist's desk.

"Hello. How may I help you?" the nurse greeted. She had jet black hair with dark blue streaks that rested on her shoulders. Her eyes were a stunning shade of gray, almost silver. She looked young, no older than 25. I guessed that she was fresh out of college. Her name tag said her name was Reagan.

"I'd like information on Carlos Garcia please," Mrs. Knight asked kindly.

"What is your relation with the patient?" Reagan asked. "I'm his guardian while he's in L.A." Reagan nodded and typed something in on the ancient looking computer.

"Ah. Ok. Carlos is on the 3rd floor, room 2017," she told us, smiling the whole time. "Thank you so much." Without another word Mrs. Knight were on our way to see Carlos.

**Carlos POV**

I woke up to a painful sting in my left arm. "Ouch," I hissed. "Oh, you're awake," a female voice said, obviously surprised. "Sorry about that, I tried to do this while you were still asleep." I nodded groggily, still not quite awake. "S'okay."

"I'm your doctor while you're here Carlos," the still unnamed woman told me. "My name is Dr. Thomason."

I looked up at her and studied her features. She had light brown hair that I guessed reached down to her mid-back. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of grass green that were framed with sliver thin-rimmed glasses.. I believe she was mixed.

"Do you remember what happened?" she asked, bringing me out of my trance.

"Uh... um..." I trailed off, struggling to remember what happened.

"Oh yeah. I was at school and during history I started feeling dizzy and nauseous. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok and what was going on, but I couldn't answer them. Then I think I passed out. I don't remember anything after that though." I told her. She nodded and scribbled something down on her clipboard.

"Ok. I have some more questions to ask you. Do you want to answer them now or wait until later?" she asked. "I'll answer them now." I wanted to get them out of the way so I could go back to sleep.

"When was the last time you ate Carlos?" My eyes widened but I remained silent. "...Carlos? Can you answer my question please?"

"3 weeks," I replied, almost inaudibly. "Pardon me? I didn't quite catch that?" she replied in all seriousness. I gulped. "3 weeks," I said louder. "The last time I ate was about 3 and a half weeks ago." I was so ashamed of myself. If anyone else knew that they'd probably think that I was anorexic or depressed. But Dr. Thomason just nodded.

"That's what I thought. Now Carlos, is there a specific reason that you've stopped eating? Are you feeling any emotional or psychological distress?" I paused before answering her.

"The only reason I haven't been eating is because I just haven't been hungry. And as to your other question, no. I haven't been feeling either way." I deadpanned. The doctor sighed and took off her glasses.

"Carlos as well as being a regular doctor, I am also a social worker and psychiatrist. That's why I was assigned to you. I work with people that have a condition similar to yours. Specifically teens. Anyways, when they assessed your stage when you were rushed in, they realized that they had to hook you up to an IV that would send nutrients and fluids into your body until you were able to eat solid food again." I looked down. "Oh."

"Carlos, I really need you to tell me if there has been something to make you go so long without eating," she said seriously. I sighed.

"Well... there _has_ been some tension between my friends and I, but that has nothing to do with it, I just haven't been hungry. That's why I haven't been eating- I swear!" I told her honestly.

"Okay Carlos. I believe you, but whatever the case you not eating isn't healthy. You need to stop this, but it won't be an easy process. It'll probably require some mild therapy because you won't want to eat right away, alright?" I nodded.

Now I felt EXTREMELY ashamed of myself. I let all this dumb drama get to my head and I slowly let myself slip away. If it went on much longer I could have died. I put my health and career at risk. I would have disappointed everyone and they would all hate me... just like the others did. I felt hot tears prick at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

"Carlos-"

"Can I just be alone for a minute... please?" I interrupted, breathing heavily. "Of course, take as long as you need. If you need anything or if there is an emergency just press this red button on your bed-side table, okay?" I nodded, still looking down, tightly clutching the bed sheets. I took a deep breath as she exited the room.

I could've killed myself. I didn't mean to but... I almost did. I couldn't believe it. I almost left my family behind. I don't know what Luke and Marissa would do if they lost _another_ person close to them. They've already lost both their parents in the last three years; they didn't need to lose anyone else so soon. With this thinking I decided that I would get better as soon as possible, so I would be healthy again and my family wouldn't have to worry about me.

As I was lost in my thoughts I didn't notice Mrs. Knight and Stephanie come in. "Hey Carlos," I jumped as

Stephanie greeted me. "Hey." My smile faltered as I noticed that no one else was with them.

I shouldn't have had my hopes up. I should've known that just because I was in the hospital that their hateful feelings would be put on hold. I always do that! I always raise my hopes and expectations and then I'm disappointed when I get shot down. I need to learn to assume the worst and then be glad when something better occurs.

I was so angry at myself that I didn't notice how tightly I was holding my bed sheets.

"Carlos?" Stephanie said cautiously, stepping forward. "Are you okay buddy?" she asked just as tenderly as before. I looked at my hands before releasing the now crumpled bed sheets. I nodded, keeping my head down and my eyes locked on my lap. "Are you sure?" I nodded again. I really just wanted to be left alone, but they came and visited which meant a lot to me. Besides, they only meant the best.

"What'd they say? What happened?" Mrs. Knight wondered aloud. "I-I" I couldn't tell her.

"It's okay Carlos. You can tell us," Stephanie soothed, reading my mind. "W-well...I-I UGH!" I let out an angry huff. It was too hard. "It's okay if you don't want to tell us Carlos," Mama Knight said. "No I do! It's just... hard," I confessed. "Well take a deep breath and tell us when you're ready."

I nodded. I took a silent deep breath and opened my mouth to speak.

"Well Dr. Thomason said that they had to put an IV in my arm because I wasn't getting enough nutrients in my body." They both had quizzical looks on their faces before it dawned upon them.

"Carlos..." Stephanie approached. "When was the last time you ate?" she asked. "3 weeks ago," I told her. Did I have to go through this again?

"That's impossible. The last time I saw you eat was..." Mama Knight suddenly looked very pale.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to I swear! It just... happened. I mean lately I haven't been feeling that hungry, and my mom also told me not to eat if I wasn't hungry so I didn't and I passed it off as nothing. I thought it was just the stress from Gustavo or something or the thing that's going on right now, and now I feel really bad because I could have died even though I didn't mean to and-" CARLOS!" Stephanie stopped me when I kept rambling and my heart rate and blood pressure started to rise. "Calm down bud." I blushed. "Sorry."

"Dude why would you do this to yourself?" Stephanie asked, obviously appalled. "I didn't mean to! I just wasn't hungry and now doctor says I have to go to therapy." I mumbled the last part quickly.

"Wait- therapy?" Mrs. Knight asked, her eyes bulging out of her head. I looked down again. "Yeah. She said that I might have to go to therapy because I won't want to eat full meals yet." I twiddled my thumbs. "I'm really sorry," I said, my voice cracking. Mrs. Knight's face softened considerably. "Oh Carlos, it's alright."

"But it's not! If I went much longer I could've died and ended up a skinny course! And I see that me being in the hospital hurts you guys too. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I _can't_ hurt anymore people. I just can't." I furiously wiped at the single tear that decided he wanted to escape the confines of my eyes.

"Of course we're hurt Carlos. But not because of what you did, it's because you're in the hospital," Mrs. Knight explained.

"Yeah. I mean in the classroom I was hurt when there was barely a pulse. I worried I was worried I was gonna lose my partner in writing," Stephanie added, making me smile a bit.

Just as I was about to say something four unexpected people walked in.

"Hey Carlos," Katie said, smiling. "How're you feeling?" I tore my eyes away from my band members to look at her.

"I've been better," I replied with a shrug. "But I'm fine... what's behind your back?" I asked, just noticing that both her hands were behind her. She smiled widely before showing me my sketchbook and pencil case.

I smiled at her and took the items. "Thanks Katie, you're the best." She nodded her head. "I know."

"I was wondering when you guys were going to show up," Mrs. Knight said.

"We uh just came to drop off Katie," James admitted. "Yeah she made is bring her here. We were just about to leave," Kendall added. I didn't fail to notice how they were stepping back slightly every once in a while.

Mrs. Knight adopted a look of surprise on her face. "Oh well then I'll see you guys back at home for dinner." They nodded. "Okay Mom, see ya later," Kendall said before the two of them all but ran out of the room.

I looked over at Logan. I saw that he was looking at my IV with the expression he got when thinking hard about something. His forehead scrunched up and his eyes squinted.

"Can I... can I get a moment with Carlos please?" he asked, to all of our surprise.

"Of course!" Stephanie piped in quickly. "We'll be in the cafeteria!" she exclaimed while ushering Katie and Mrs. Knight out of the room. When the door closed Logan sat on the foot of my bed.

"When was the last time you ate?" he demanded suddenly. _Why did everyone want to KNOW THIS?_

"Why?"

"Just tell me please," he said, still eyeing the drip. "3 weeks ago. What's it to you?"

His eyes softened as his brought his gaze over to me. "3 weeks?" he repeated softly. I nodded. "Why?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Why do you care?" As glad as I was that Logan was talking to me, I'd prefer if it weren't out of pity. "Because you're on an IV drip!" he said as if it were obvious. "So? Just because I'm in a hospital bed now you care? You haven't cared about me in almost 3 months. That shouldn't change because something happened. It should only change if you truly forgive me." I have absolutely no idea where this newly-found wisdom was coming from, but I'm glad I voiced it.

Logan got up. "You're right. And I haven't yet. I'll see you later Carlos. Feel better." With that he was gone, door closed behind him.

I leaned back on my bed, running a hand over my face as I sighed.

'_Maybe they should've just let me die,' _I thought to myself. I shook my head, trying to push those negative thoughts out of my mind. Where did that come from? I'd never had a thought like that in years. I made sure that I'd never think like that again. So... why DID I think that? I'm not sure, but I'm determined to make sure it doesn't happen again.

**a/n: Oh Logie... when will you learn? *shakes head* What'd you guys think of this chapter? Tell me in the review section below! So until next time... LATER PEEPZ!**


	8. Flashback

**a.n: OK so this is an intense one. Well… even more intense than last time. I'm actually really nervous because I'm not sure how everyone'll like it. :/**

**Thanks to_:__RarusuTLS,__HonoraryLoser,__Hikari__no__Kasai,__Lito-Arumi,__T-Bone14,__Anonymous_ _Skrtle,__CheekyBrunette,__NoctePluvia,__freakycutiecarlos,__xEryChan,_ and the anonymous review left by someone… anonymous. **

**Enjoy Chapter 8 of Sticks and Stones!**

Chapter 8: Flashbacks

I was released from the hospital for about 5 days. I stayed for the weekend. I've been taking medicine with every meal, which increased in volume each day (thanks to my therapists Dr. Thomason and Dr. Crestman).

Gustavo wasn't happy that I was in the hospital for as long as I did, in fact he looked just about ready to bite my head off. Luckily Kelly was at my aid and defended me. Ever since, I've been working my backside off to prove to Gustavo that I could redeem myself and make up for time lost. At this point though, I didn't care whether James felt that I was trying to outshine him, all that mattered to me was showing Gustavo that I was good enough to be in his band.

My world hasn't changed much since then, only the fact that Stephanie, Mrs. Knight, and Kelly have been watching me like hawks. They've each been making me eat at least a little whenever I had the chance. I didn't really like the attention (in fact it was getting quite annoying), but I knew that they only meant the best. There was one more person that I noticed was keeping an eye on me: Logan. Ever since I came home he's been watching me even more than the girls- especially during meals. The only time he looks away is when I catch him staring. I've wanted to talk to him about it but after our last encounter, I'm honestly kind of scared.

"I don't know Stephanie. I mean it's really creeping me out but I really don't want a repeat of last week. Stephanie and I were sitting in a cabana by the pool, sipping on our individual smoothies. "Well you can't just sit there and let him freak you out. You've gotta do something about it," Stephanie told me, casually sipping on her pink smoothie. "Well what do you want me to do, go up to him and say 'hey, even though you hate my guts I'm going to demand that you stop staring at me?'" Stephanie seemed to mull over the idea. "Yup sound good to me!" I rolled my eyes. "You're a freak." She smiled up at me. "But a freak that's your new best friend!" I stood up. "Whatever. I'm going upstairs," I told her, not wanting to talk about Logan anymore.

"You're gonna talk to Logan while you're up there right?" she called out as I began to walk away. "No promises!"

'_I can't believe I'm doing this,'_ I thought to myself. For the past 2 hours Stephanie has been texting, e-mailing, IM-ing, calling, and facebooking me, telling me to talk to Logan. Now usually I'm a pretty patient guy when it came to other people. But being poked and prodded ti great extent could test anyone.

"So you'll do it right?" she had asked again over the phone. "Yes, fine! I'll do it OK? Just… leave me alone." I finally had it. After almost 100 texts, 15 long and detailed e-mails, 8 IM conversations, 35 calls, and 10 Facebook messages I had enough and just agreed. Unfortunately for me, I'm not a liar. I was raised to do my best to be honest in all situations, and this was no exception. "Great!" she squealed. "Whatever," I grumbled back. I really didn't want to do this. "Good luck," she said in a chipper and excited voice. "Thanks. I'm gonna need it," I told her honestly before hanging up the phone.

So that's how I found myself standing in front of Logan's closed door. _'I think I'm gonna puke,'_ I thought to myself. But since I didn't, I sighed and poised my hand to knock. _'No backing out now.' _Logan had allowed me to enter after I had summoned up the courage to knock. I took a deep breath and opened the door. He looked up from his position on the bed and saw me. He sighed heavily and looked back down at the textbook in front of his crossed legs. "What?" he asked harshly.

"I just wanted to ask you something," I replied, doing my best to stay calm, cool, and collected while I stood in the doorway of his room. "Well what is it?" he demanded, no sympathy in his voice. I gulped. "I just wanted to know why you've been watching me for the last few days," I said, doing my best to keep the quivering out of my voice. He looked up from his textbook for half a second before continuing with his reading. "Why does that matter?" I started to get confused now. "Um, because you were staring at me, and it's weird and creepy," I told him sincerely. "Like I said, it doesn't matter," he told me, not looking up this time. "Logan I don't know what game you're playing, or what you're doing but it's starting to annoy me. So could you please answer my question so I can leave?" I shouted. "If you wanna leave, then leave! You're so annoying, God… no wonder your Mom killed herself. I froze as those last words left his mouth. He seemed to realize what he said because his head whipped up and his eyes went wide.

"C-Carlos. Carlos, I didn't mean to- oh my God." His apologies fell onto deaf ears, as all I heard were the cries and screams from my memories. I vaguely noticed Logan getting up from his bed, heading towards me. I backed up until my back hit the doorframe. I didn't say anything as I slipped past him and ran to my room down the hall. I heard his footsteps following me the whole way. As soon as I was inside I slammed the door and locked it with a click. Logan knocked on the door and jiggled with the handle.

"Carlos? Carlos please open up! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" As my sweaty back hit the cool wooden door I slide down, landing on my bum. I pulled my knees up to my chest, burying my face in them. I felt as Logan's fists pounded on the door and his words vibrating off the wood. I closed my eyes and zoned him out; remembering the night my whole life went wrong.

**(Flashback)**

_**A 12-year old Carlos laughed loudly along with his 10-year old brother Luke at the 50 inch plasma T.V in front of them. "Will you two keep it down?" A 14-year old Marissa asked loudly from her position on the recliner next to the couch. In her hands was a Blackberry Curve, a bright purple and pink case covering the back. "I'm texting Yolanda. She told me that Wendy and Brianna are in a major fight and I need to concentrate so I can get all the details!" **_

_**Carlos rolled his eyes. "Who cares about that? A new episode of SpongeBob is on!" It was Marissa's turn to roll her eyes. "You saw that episode like three hours ago!" "SSSSHHH! Be quiet!" Luke yelled to his older siblings. "It's not even our fault 'M', it's yours. You were supposed to send us to bed HOURS ago." Marissa glared at the small boy. "What are you getting at?" Luke smiled innocently. "If you don't let us watch SpongeBob in peace, we'll tell Mom you let us stay up late AND didn't make is take showers," the young boy said smugly, an equally smug smirk matching. Marissa kept up her glare. "Sometimes… I hate having brothers…" she grumbled. "So we have a deal?' Marissa sighed. "Yup."**_

_**An hour later, at 12:09 on the dot, Sylvia Garcia opened the door of her three-story home. As she entered the house she felt t he heat from the furnace warm her up immediately. She sighed softly and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of her home. As she opened her eyes once more, she couldn't help but wonder why the downstairs light was on. Deciding to investigate further, she closed the door, slipped off her black heels and red pea coat and proceeded to walk into her house, her now bare feet padding gently against the dark wooden floor. As she made her way to the living room she realized to things. One: the television was on, and two: there were soft giggles coming from the room.**_

"_**Ahem." Sylvia cleared her throat loudly, crossing her arms over her chest. All three of her children stopped what they were doing and looked fearfully at her.**_

"_**Heeeeey Mom," Carlos said nervously, adding a small wave. Though Carlos smiled gently at her she kept her defiant stare and dropped his hand. "WHAT are you three stilling doing up?" she asked dangerously. "Watching T.V?" Luke said, although it came out more like a question. "Texting?"Marissa said, holding up her phone for proof. As their mother continued looking at them, silently asking for answers, Carlos and Luke shared nervous yet knowing looks.**_

"_**It was Marissa's fault!" the two boys yelled, pointing at her with accusing fingers. "What? It's not my fault!" she retorted, looking furious. "Yes it is. You didn't make us shower and you didn't make us go to bed," Luke argued, getting his sisters' face. "Yeah," Carlos nodded. "Plus, you're supposed to tell us what to do and you didn't! You spent all your time on your stupid phone!" The three kids argued in front of their mother, who was now pinching the bridge of her nose and slowly getting a headache as her children's voices increased in volume.**_

"_**Enough!" she yelled! "We'll deal with this in the morning… OK?" the kids nodded, seeing how aggravated she was. "Up to your rooms… NOW." Her kids quickly scrambled up and starting racing to their individual rooms. Carlos and Luke were almost to the stairs when their Mom called their sister back. "Your phone please?" Sylvia asked with an extended arm and open palm. Carlos and Luke took this opportunity to rush up the stairs while Marissa slowly reached in her pocket and pulled out her Blackberry. "You can get this back when you prove to me that you're responsible enough to have it, alright?" Marissa gulped and nodded. "Yes ma'am." "Good. Now go up to your bed." Sylvia watched as her daughters feet quickly and swiftly took her up the spiraling stairs. **_

_**When she heard the door slam closed she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She picked up the remote and clicked off the T.V. As she stared at the reflection on the blank and unmoving object, she couldn't help but wonder: was she doing the right thing? She shook her head to get rid of these thoughts. She had to do this. If not for her, then for her family. So she turned off the light and carefully headed up the stairs and into her room.**_

_**Carlos, clad in his pajamas (which consisted of navy blue and white plaid pants and a grey t-shirt) jumped into his bed, ready to turn off the lamp and call it a day. As he reached over to pull on the beaded, metal chain, he suddenly remembered something. "Oh yeah!" The Latino clambered out of his bed and ran to the door, flinging it open and heading down the hall to his parents room. He was about to slam open the door when he remembered what his parents had always told him. "Always knock before entering a room other than yours," he recited, proud he remembered exactly what he was told. **_

_**So with a smile, Carlos raised his fist and knocked. No answer. So Carlos knocked again. Still no answer. Surely his mother couldn't be asleep yet, she always took a while to go to sleep. With a shrug Carlos started to turn away from the door, on his way back to his room. But something in his gut told him that he should at least go inside… so he did. He turned back around and ever so slowly turned the knob. **_

"_**Mom?" he called out quietly, sticking his head inside the room. When he didn't get an immediate reply he stepped inside fully. 'Weird,' he thought. 'I don't see Mom.' "Mom?" he called again, looking around. "Mama?" He looked under the bed, behind the dresser, and by the curtains, but he couldn't find his Mom anywhere. "The closet!" he exclaimed. He raced over and flung the door open, a huge smile gracing his face. As the door opened Carlos was met with the face of his Mother, her eyes closing, signaling she had just passed.**_

_**A blood-curdling scream escaped Carlos' lips as he took a good look at his Mother's now dead form. She was in the closet, her feet about to two above the ground, a step-stool just beneath her feet, slightly kicked off to the side. She had a leather belt wrapped tightly around her neck, digging into her now paling skin. The other end of the long belt was also tied to the pole that was attached to the inside of the closet. Her body was now limp and lifeless. It was a sight that no one should see- especially not a 12 year old. She was still in her work clothes and it scared Carlos even more, knowing that she would never go back to work again. As the tears began to cascade down the Latino's face, Marissa tiredly stomped into the room.**_

"_**What's with all the screaming?" she asked angrily. Carlos rushed over to his sister, hugging her tightly and sobbing into her shirt. Temporarily forgetting about her anger she began to stroke her brothers short, black hair. "Hey, hey. What's the matter bud?" Carlos sobbed even harder. "M-mom s-she-" he couldn't bring himself to say it. "She what?" Marissa asked, beginning to worry. "She's dead." Marissa's breath caught in her throat. "C-Carlos that- that isn't a funny joke. Tell me what's really wrong." That IS what's really wrong. I walked in to tell her something and then I-I found her in the closet." Marissa released her brother and slowly walked to the closet. "No don't!" she peered inside and regretting it immediately. A high-pitched and pained scream tore its way through her throat, disturbing the otherwise silent house. Marissa dropped to her knees. "Oh my God."**_

_**Luke then ran into the room, baseball in hand. "What's wrong? What's with all the screaming?" Marissa got up from her position on the floor and gently pushed Luke out of the room. "I-it's nothing. Go back to bed," she stuttered. "No I heard screaming. Why's the closet open?" "Luke don't!" "MOM!" Luke had managed to escape her sisters grasp and run around her and Carlos and look into the closet. Like Marissa, he regretted it. He dropped the baseball bat and ran into his siblings embrace and sobbed with them after seeing his now dead mother's state. **_

"_**Sylvia, why are all the kids doors open? ... Kids?" The Garcia children all ran up their father as he walked into the room. "Woah, hey, calm down. Where's your mother?" All three kids pointed to the closet. "What?" he whispered to himself. He let go of his kids and slowly stalked to the closet. "Dios mio…" Cristian's head was spinning. "What happened?" he asked Carlos babbled to his father what he saw. "I'm sorry Dad… I'm so sorry…" Carlos wailed. "If I had found her faster she would have been OK!" His father shook his head. "No, no it's-it's not your fault. Come now, let's go downstairs." Cristian began to lead his children out of the room when Marissa called out. "Wait!" she exclaimed. "There's something on the bed!" She pulled out of her Dad's grasp and ran over to the bed, grabbing a piece of paper folded into thirds. She desperately hoped it was a note telling her that it was all a prank. Her hopes were crushed when she read the note. By the time she had read all of it she was weeping once again. "What does it say?" Luke asked nervously. **_

_**It said:**_

_**Marissa, Carlos, Luke, and Cristian,**_

_**I'm sorry. By the time you read this I would have been dead and gone. I'm sorry but I had to do this **_

_**Do you remember Grandma Rosalina; the one that passed away a little over a year ago? She was my Mom and my inspiration. Shortly after she had died I began thinking about her all day every day. I thought about how she was such a fantastic Mother. The way she strived for us to do our very best. She never cared whether we had gotten a 'D-' on a math test. "As long as you tried your best," she would say. "Then that's all that matters." I realized I wasn't this kind of Mother. I had pushed all of you too hard and had my expectations for you guys way too high. I starting thinking about how I was raising you and comparing it to the way my Mother raised my siblings and I. She always had time for us while I hardly had time for you. She was a way better wife and Mother than I could ever hope to be. I then realized that no matter what I did, or how hard I worked, I'd never compare to my Mother. So I decided to end it. My life. I waited a year and for the perfect time. I'm sorry.**_

_**Marissa, you will always be my little girl. No matter what happens I'll always be proud of you. Follow your dreams of being a dancer and don't listen to anything negative ever has to say. You are extremely talented and there's no one out there like you- you're unique and special. You're a smart, dedicated and amazing girl that I'm so proud to call my daughter. I just KNOW that you'll succeed and triumph in whatever you do. I'm so sorry that I won't be there to help you pick out your wedding dress but don't worry; I know you'll fund a great husband who'll treat you right. Help your father take care of your brothers for me. I know this will shake you all up, but you have to keep strong for everyone. Keep up what you're doing sweetie, I love you. **_

_**Carlos, sweetie. I know that you've always secretly felt pressured by me, but you must know that no matter what you do, or what route you decide to take, I will always be supporting you. If hockey is something that you love to do and want to do as long as possible, don't you dare let anyone stop you. Ignore people that don't say you're good enough, and people that don't respect you. You're strong-hearted, funny, witty and a joy to be around. I know that beneath all that silliness and craziness there's an extremely intelligent boy. Please remember to focus on your studies and keep up the relationships you have with your friends. I apologize that I won't be there when you enter high school, but I know you'll be just fine. I love you honey, and I miss you. **_

_**My dear Luke, you are my youngest but I love as much as I love your siblings. I was never quite sure what you wanted to be since you kept changing your mind, but I know you'll be exceptional no matter what it is. Keep doing what it is that makes you happy. Continue to do well in school and making the right choices for you. I'm sorry that I won't be there to see you grow up and enter middle school or high school but don't let that stop you. I'll always be proud of you. I love you and I miss you. **_

_**Cristian, I know I promised you that I'd always be there for you but I couldn't do this anymore. I wasn't doing as much as I could. I wasn't being a good Mother to your kids and I definitely wasn't being a good enough wife to you. I wasn't cheating nor was I emotionally unattached, I just didn't feel good enough to be in this family anymore. I wasn't raising the kids well enough. I know that I could've changed, so I tried. That year I tried not to focus on what I was planning, but on being better. I had failed… I couldn't even live up to my own expectations. **_

_**I don't hate you Cristian. I could never hate you or the kids, but I do hate myself. I hate doing this to you and the kids. I know there were other options. I could've gotten help, but I didn't feel that I needed it. Plus, help would've meant explaining myself, and I couldn't have that. Divorce was another option. But I couldn't LIVE and knowing I did that (meaning I would've ended up dead either way). I could've and should've talked to you about what I was going through, but I couldn't. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. Every time I would try and bring it up, the words would just die on my tongue. **_

_**There's a lot of "could haves" here, but that's only because I couldn't bring myself to do these things. I am SO SORRY Cristian. I'm sorry that I left you alone. Sorry about that pain I must've put you in. Sorry about not being the wife I could have been. There are no words to explain how sorry I am. But I want you to find another woman who can love you right and help raise the kids correctly. Someone better than me- ANYONE. I love you mi madiro. I'll miss you.**_

_**I want you all to know that I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I love you with all my heart, even if it isn't beating anymore. I want you all to put this behind you and eventually move past this. Don't feel guilty; any of you. You couldn't have seen this coming, I hid it too well. I know it's selfish of me to be asking any of you anything, but I want you all to be as happy as you can because you deserve it. You aren't at fault here. I am. You are all amazing, each and every one of you. Please, keep doing what you're doing because you're all doing it perfectly. I love you all and I'll miss you.**_

_**Love, Mom**_

**(Flashback over)**

By the time I came to, I realized two things. One: Logan stopped trying to talk to me, and two: it was 6:47 P.M., three hours after the encounter with Logan. I sighed and stood up, walking into the bathroom that Kendall and I shared and that separated our rooms. I locked the doors to both my and his rooms. No one needed to disrupt me.

I opened the medicine cabinet and took out a new razor, pulling apart the blades, wincing as they nicked my skin every once in a while. I stared at them, determining which one was the sharpest. I picked up the one in the middle and held it up in front of my face. I turned it, putting it on all different angles. I put it back on the counter and sighed. I couldn't do this.

I rolled up the sleeve of my long-sleeved knit shirt and looked at the two, now faint scars on my left wrist. It's been just over a year since I cut myself last. _'One for each death.' _I glanced from my scarred flesh over to the shiny, clean blades once again. Did I want to do this? I made a promise to Luke and Marissa that I wouldn't, but the urge was back now, stronger than ever. But I had nothing to be upset about. Logan had only said something. I remembered something. Something that had happened almost four years ago. It was just a memory now, but it still stung.

"No wonder your Mom killed herself," he had said. My fists clenched and my jaw locked at the memory. He _knew_ that I had issues about that. After her death I confided in _only him,_ that I blamed myself for her untimely death. He knew that I felt that I had never lived up to her expectations, causing her to feel so frustrated that she decided to end her own life. He knew that I felt that if I had found her just one second faster, she could still be alive to this day. He knew that I felt so guilty that I cut myself for the first time two weeks after her death. But that's just a memory now. A scar that that might never fade, but a memory that will eventually (and hopefully) will. It's no reason to cut myself again.

But what if they meant it? What if I annoyed him so much before he had considered killing himself too? I always pestered Logan because it was so fun and hilarious to see him get all flustered and mad. But would he kill himself? Because I wasn't good in school and constantly begged for his assistance? I couldn't believe it. If we hadn't got into that fight he might've killed himself. But that's ridiculous… right? No one could hate someone so much.

'_THEY hate you so much,' _a familiar voice in my head told me. I sighed, knowing it was right. Logan hated me, James hated me, and Kendall hated me, plain and simple. I looked back at the blade. The _perfect, sharp, amazing_ blade. I rolled up my sleeve back up hastily, grabbing the blade just as quickly. I was literally millimeters away from cutting my vein when I froze. I couldn't do this. I made a promise. But I HAD to. I need to. It's essential. I was GOING to do this. I pressed the blade against my skin. Was I?

_**a.n: Bum, bum, buuuuuuuuuuuuuum! My very first, official cliff-hanger EEP! I hope you all liked this chapter, it was my longest and I worked super, duper hard on it for you guys. Please tell me how you liked it by reviewing! Love you all!**_

_**Later peepz. **_


	9. Reunions

**a/n: So before I even CONSIDER writing this chapter I have to thank you. Every. Single. One of you; the people that read but don't review and the people that review and the people that might happen to recommend this to others. Just… thank you. The response for the last chapter was just fantastic; especially the reviews. They made me feel so amazing, whether they were one word or one paragraph; they just made me feel so… AMAZING! So thanks again.**

**Thanks a bunch to: **_**freakycutiecarlos, tomboy2012, bluestring, Hikari no Kasai, NoctePluvia, Robin-n-Hoodie, Lito-Arumi, HonoraryLoser, Anonymous Skrtle, Ireland Maslow, Carla, RarusuTLS, and CheekyBrunette **_**for reviewing! **

**P.S. I'm sorry if this chapter is nowhere near as good as the previous one (I don't think I'll ever write another chapter like that) so… yeah. Enjoy chapter 9!**

Chapter 9

Was I going to do something that I promised my family I wouldn't do?

'_No one's gonna care Carlos,' _the voice in my head told me. _'No one's gonna care and no one's gonna notice. No one even gives you a second glance; how would they notice a cut or two on your wrist? Stephanie's not going to notice or care. And neither will Katie or Kelly. Even if they __**did**__ notice, it'd be worth it. Think about it: when you slash your skin all that pain and anger you feel will leave your body; as if they never existed at all. The only thing in the way would be the blood, and you can easily fix that. Even an idiot like __**you**__ can clean it up. So do it Carlos, you know you want to. Just one little cut… that's all it takes.'_

I pressed the blade harder against the vein, drawing blood… then I slashed it. I hissed in pain at first but then I sighed in contentment. It felt _so good._ I looked down at my wrist and watched as the crimson colored blood poured out of my arm and landed in the porcelain white sink, contrasting starkly. I sighed again as I realized that all the pain was being released from me. Maybe, if I was lucky, all of my flaws were escaping my body too. Then Logan, James, and Kendall and I could be friends again. I'd be done screwing things up and be incapable of upsetting anyone ever again. Then no one would kill themselves because of me. I scowled as I came to the conclusion that it would never happen; it's completely illogical.

I grabbed a dark washcloth from underneath the sink and pressed it up against my wrist, eventually stopping the blood flow. When it had completely finished I put it on the sink and wrapped my arms in gauze. I also wrapped the razor blades in toilet paper and threw them in the garbage. I turned on the tap and rinsed out the sink until there were no remnants of my seemingly suicidal activities. I pulled my sleeve back down over my wrist. When I noticed there was a significant bulge underneath it, I decided that I would have to put on a sweater to conceal it. I unlocked Kendall and mines door, grabbing the bloody washcloth on the way out.

I threw the rag into the hamper, hiding it with a couple shirts. I made a mental note to make sure I washed my own clothes on the weekend. I pulled a sweater out of a drawer in my dresser and put it on. It was large on me, so it hid the gauze well.

"Dinner time!" Mrs. Knight called out from down in the kitchen. I heard loud footsteps of some going down the stairs and someone flinging them self in Swirly and sliding down. I sighed again, made sure the gauze wasn't too noticeable and headed downstairs myself. I sat down literally seconds after Katie, everyone digging in once I took a seat.

I put some macaroni on my fork and put it in my mouth and nearly gagged. I forgot that eating so soon after I cut myself made me feel nauseous. I forced myself to take a couple bites of the macaroni and the chicken so my non-existent appetite wouldn't be so obvious.

When it came to dinner it was silent. Usually Kendall, James and Logan would talk among themselves while the rest of us exchanged short conversation. But today the only sounds that were heard were those of forks scraping across plates and drinks being sipped. We had been eating for about 7 minutes when Mrs. Knight put her fork down and looked at all of us seriously.

"OK, what's going on? Why is no one talking?" Nobody said a word. "I'm not kidding guys; something weird has been going on with you guys for far too long and I don't like being out of the loop. So come one, tell me." Things stayed silent up until Kendall let out a big and overdramatic sigh.

"Nothing's going on Mom," he told her. She gave him a disbelieving and accusing look to her son. "Really? Then how come I haven't seen the four of you do something _together_ in almost four months? Why didn't you come back to visit Carlos when he was in the hospital?" Again it was silent. Finally Mrs. Knight averted her gaze from all of us to just Logan, James, and Kendall.

"What did he do?" I gulped, fearing what I thought was going to happen. "What did Carlos do to make you completely shun him? " I've never seen Mrs. Knight look so angry in all the 12 years I've known her. "It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do Mom-" Kendall tried to say before he was interrupted by his Mom. "Obviously it does Kendall. People don't treat other so badly unless they've done something _unforgiveable_. Did he do that boys? Look I don't care what your reasons are for 'hating' Carlos but it needs to stop because-" I didn't get to hear the rest because I sprung from my seat and raced up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door similarly to how I did earlier in the day.

I sat on my bed angrily. I'm thankful that Mrs. Knight stuck up for me, but she didn't have to do it in such an embarrassing and forward way. I scowled, this is so frustrating! I hate how this whole has taken over my whole life. I put my head in my hands and sighed, feeling overwhelmed. When I lifted my head, my elbows still resting on my knees, I saw my wooden desk in the corner of my room, parallel to my twin-sized bed. On the desk were stacks of paper, at least 3 sketchbooks, and a black pencil that I knew was full of pencils, pens, erasers and pencil crayons. Those aren't what I was focused on though. I was paying attention to the large, black helmet that rested in the smack middle of the desk. For the past 3 and a half months it's been sitting there, collecting dust. I carded a hand through my pitch-black hair and sighed for what seemed for the millionth time that day. I absolutely hated life right now. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and stay like that forever. I eyed the pillow at the head of the bed and decided to put my plan into action. I sprawled on my bed, my head laying on the pillow and my body facing the wall. I was laying there peacefully for just a few seconds when a loud knock came from the other side of my door.

Logan POV

Mrs. Knight continued to scold us for a good five minutes before she was stopped by her daughter.

"Mom it doesn't matter! If they're going to be selfish jerks and be mean to Carlos; the sweetest guy on Earth, then that's their problem and their loss. He has real friends who would never do something this cold to him and would defend him from people that would. They just need to know that somehow, someday this whole thing is gonna turn around and bite them in the butt if they don't do the right thing soon. Eventually karma is going to come after them, and once that happens they'll hopefully get their heads out of their butts and they're going to realize that what they did is wrong and unforgiveable. But by then, it'll be too late. If they don't care enough about Carlos and what they're doing to him then we shouldn't care either right?" Throughout her rant her gaze was only on her Mother, but it was obvious that her words were directed to the three of us.

Before any of us could do or say anything she had sprung up from her seat and ran up the stairs, just as Carlos had done minutes before. Mrs. Knight looked back at us, her gaze much softer than before. "Look boys. I just want you to see that this whole thing is affecting Carlos more than you may realize. And as you can tell, it's not just affecting Carlos. Think of Katie. How do you think she feels when she sees 3 of her brothers _bullying_ her other brother. You're all great guys, but what you're doing right now isn't; in fact it's downright terrible. I can't control what you do, or what you say, but I truly hope you do come to see how dreadful what it is you're doing." Mrs. Knight stood and emptied her plate before putting it in the dishwasher along with her cup. She did the same with Katie's and Carlos' plates and cups and without another word she left the apartment with a laundry basket full of dirty clothes in her arms.

The three of us that remained sat in silence and stillness. No one moved or said a word. When I looked back at my food I quickly realized that I was no longer hungry. I didn't have a significant amount of food on my plate; a couple bites of chicken and two forkfuls of macaroni, so I stood and followed Mrs. Knight's example by clearing my plate and cup and putting them in the dishwasher. I didn't wait for Kendall or James as I ascended up the stairs. I took long strides to my destination, confidence suddenly making an appearance. But as I neared the door the confidence left just as quickly as it had came. I gulped hard. It's not too late. I can turn back and pretend that this moment never happened. But that would make a coward, and in order to do this I have to be brave. So I took a breath and knocked. Nothing. I knocked again. Still nothing. After I knocked harder and more demanding, some shuffling was heard. Soon enough the door opened up and an upset-looking Carlos came into my line of vision. When he saw me he rolled his eyes and went to slam the door in my face. I wedged my foot between the door and it's frame to stop the door from closing. "Just hear me out," I begged. He looked at me suspiciously before letting go of the door. "I'm listening."

I took a deep breath and decided how I was going to word this.

"I'm sorry," I stated. He raised an eyebrow skeptically, obviously not believing me. "Look I know what I did was unimaginably terrible, but I want you to know that I'm sorry," I told him. He wore a black expression on his face. "Really Logan? You honestly thought that after you put me through almost 4 months of _hell_ I'm going to accept _that_ as an apology?' I opened my mouth to speak but Carlos beat me to the punch. "How do I even know that these are your words? Mrs. Knight just lectured you, how do I know that you're sincere; that Kendall and James won't come tell me the same thing in 20 minutes?' He looked angry as he crossed his arms over his chest.

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath as I bowed my head. I was ready. I could do this. "I wanted to fit in," I admitted as I looked up and opened my eyes. "Huh?" I sighed. I should've known that he wouldn't understand my whole back story in just 5 words. "The reason I did what I did; I wanted to fit in." I didn't wait for him to say anything as I continued. "You know that I've always been bullied; bullied for not fitting in, for being too smart, for wearing different clothes, for not being as built or muscular as the other guys, and just for being different in general. So when Kendall, James and I were all mad at you I realized that I fit in for once. We were all on the same page so I went along with it. To be honest with you though Carlos, I forgave you by the Monday after that weekend. I realized that it was stupid to be mad at you over that; it was an accident, and we all make mistakes- it's what makes us human. I was going to apologize but James and Kendall were still mad. That made me different again and I wasn't ready to be different yet so I played along. I agreed to whatever negative thing they said and I pretended that I was still mad at you even though I wasn't.

"I'm so sorry Carlos. I'm sorry for not standing up for myself, for being so mean, and especially what I said earlier today. God, I'm so sorry about that and I totally didn't mean it. I was so frustrated about everything , and with Kendall and James that I said something I didn't mean. Dude, I am _so_ sorry about everything. OK, I-I just wanted for us to be friends again," I put my head down as I concluded my speech. So many things were swirling around in my mind. Did he forgive me? Would we ever be friends again? I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't notice that 2 arms were around my mid-section until they gave me a little squeeze. "It's OK."

I lifted my head while I wrapped my arms around Carlos. "I forgive you," he told me. "You do?" I asked. I felt his head nod from its position on left shoulder. "Yeah," he breathed as he pulled away but still keeping me at arm's length. "I could tell that you meant it. Besides," he smirked. "You're a terrible liar." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"…So… we're good?" I asked hopefully. Carlos chuckled and shook his head. "Yup. We're good." I smiled and pulled him into another embrace.

We were hugging for all but 2 seconds when a loud squeal sounded from my right. We both pulled away to see who made the deafening sound. I smiled when I saw none other than Katie Knight standing there, her cheeks flushed and looking obviously embarrassed. "Yeah, I'm just gonna go…" she told us nervously before speeding down the stairs, squealing again. Carlos and I looked at each other again, laughing as the front door slammed shut.

****

I sighed inwardly as I thought about what happened earlier when I went to bed that night. _'We're good,' _he had said. I laughed softly. "We're good."

**a/n: And finished! Was that good? Was that as good as the other chapter or did it suck terribly? Please review! I may not be able to update any other time this month because November is crazy for me. My birthday (the 25****th****) and lots of other stuff. So make me a happy birthday girl and review please! **


	10. Busted

**a/n: I know I said I might not update but I'm in such a good mood because of... everything. But ESPECIALLY because of Elevate! I must say: I love that album SO MUCH! ALL OF THE SONGS! EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. They were half of the inspiration for this (other than all of you)!**

**Kay. I'm done with my spazzing now. Thanks to: **_**Carla, Emmajfjch, CheekyBrunette, HonararyLoser, T-Bone14, freakycutiecarlos, Robin-n-Hoodie, Lito-Arumi, Hikari no Kasai, Anonymous Skrtle, bluestring, I heart Logan and Carlos, RarusuTLS, GotBrainsButnoBeauty**_**, and **_**NoctePluvia **_**for reviewing. It means the world to me.**

**Disclaimer: I forgot last chapter! I don't own BTR or Lil Wayne's How to Love.**

Chapter 10: Busted

**Katie POV**

"So they're good?" Camille asked again excitedly. I rolled my eyes. "Yes Camille... they're good." A series of loud squeals erupted from Camille and the other three girls I told, effectively gaining the attention of the many other teens in the lobby. I gave them an embarrassed and apologetic smile before returning my attention to the still giddy girls.

"Well finally!" Stephanie exclaimed. "It took long enough." That got a giggle out of the rest of us. This morning I told them all about what I had seen happen last night after dinner and they couldn't be any more excited about it; especially Camille and Stephanie. "What about Kendall and James?" Jo asked excitedly. "They're... still not talking to Carlos," I admitted ruefully. She gave a small, sad smile and nodded in understanding. "It's OK. I'm just glad Carlos finally had a guy friend to hang out with now," Jo said. We all let out words of agreement as the elevator dinged, signalling it had returned to the ground level. The teenage girls and I smiled and giggled as we saw who exited the elevator.

**Carlos POV**

It was quite awkward between Logan and I to say the least. We had just begun talking to each other after that huge bump in the road. It was just him and I at the breakfast table since James and Kendall were still sleeping and Katie and Mrs. Knight were already up and out for the day. It was quiet between the two of us, a few words coming from each of our lips. The way to the elevator was better, actual sentences coming through. By the time we had actually stepped into the elevator we began to get into a full conversation.

"All I'm saying is that bringing an amusement park to a deserted island isn't such a smart idea," Logan told me. We had gone back to the conversation we had the day of our very first photo shoot. "How will people even know that you're there?" I rolled my eyes. "They'll know I'm there when-" I stopped arguing when I noticed that five girls were staring at us with creepy smiles on their faces when we stepped out of the elevator.

"Why'd you stop talking?" Logan asked with a confused look painted on his face. I pointed discreetly to the girls on the couches and he looked their way. I saw him cringe when he noticed them. "Why are they staring at us like that?" Logan whispered. "I honestly don't know," I whispered back. "But maybe if we walk away slowly they don't do anything." He nodded and we slowly began to walk away from the elevator and to the pool area. We were halfway there when we were each grabbed by two pairs of hands and pushed on to a couch.

"What's going on?' Logan and I asked simultaneously. The girls just sat down, smiles never leaving their faces. "Girls?" I asked, waving a hand over their faces. "You're friends again!" Camille suddenly shrieked. I rolled my eyes; I should've seen this coming. To my right though, Logan was blushing so much he could put ripened tomatoes to shame. "Yeah," he mumbled. The girls squealed again and attacked us in bone-crushing hugs. Logan and I struggled for breath as we desperately tried to push the girls off of us.

"Get... off," I choked. "Can't... breathe..." Logan added, equally out of breath. When the girls finally released us we took huge gasps of air. "Sorry..." Rachael said sheepishly. Logan and I just smiled.

"So... what happened?" Stephanie questioned, unable to hide her excitement any more. I rolled my eyes once again- at this rate I swear that they're bound to fall out. "Exactly what Katie told you. He explained what was going on in his head, apologized, and I forgave him. Simple as that." It was the girls turn to roll their eyes now.

"Come _ON_!" Jo drawled. "You honestly expect us to believe that's all that happened?" I gave her a blank look. "Uuuuuhhhhhh... yeah," Logan and I said in unison. "That simultaneous sentence tells me otherwise," Jo remarked in a sing-song voice. "Oh please," I exclaimed. "That's just Logan's brain coordinating with my brain," I told them, bringing Logan in a headlock and giving him a noogie. He struggled but laughed along with the rest of us. Our laughs quieted down when two other figures entered the room, causing a large amount of tension. I unhooked my arm from around Logan's neck and gave him the ability to sit up straight. We all seemed to be having a staring contest with the two tall boys looking down upon us until Kendall broke the silence.

"Hey, uh, Logan... could we talk for a minute?" I could hear Logan gulp and I turned my head towards him, giving him an encouraging smile. "Sure," he replied, standing up. I could see him flinch as James put a casual arm around his shoulder.

As they rounded a corner, my attention was brought back to the girls in front of me. "What was that all about?" Jo asked, obviously puzzled. "I don't know," I replied offhandedly. "Shouldn't you know?" Katie questioned. "He is _your_ boyfriend." Jo smirked. "Yeah? Well he's _your _brother." I smiled fondly. "But seriously, I wonder what they're talking about," Camille asked, obviously still sceptical. "Yeah," Rachael piped up. "It's weird... they're weird." We all nodded and made noises of affirmation. Five minutes of almost silent curiosity passed before we saw Logan re-enter the lobby. He gave a soft smile and stood by the corner he had to turn when he left. He looked directly at me and nodded his head to my left, wanting to talk privately. I stood up and followed him, ending up in a secluded area by the pool.

"What's going on?" I wondered aloud. "They... they wanted me to choose," Logan began, continuing when I raised a confused eyebrow. "They wanted me to choose who I wanted to be friends with- you... or them." It felt like someone stuck a needle into my heart and it deflated like a balloon.

"I get it. You want to be friends with. It's cool, really," I stated as I started to walk away. "NO you doof! I told them that I wanted _you_ to be my friend." As cheesy as it sounds, it felt as though the deflated balloon known as my heart was sudden;y inflated once again. "I told them that we should all put this behind us and be friends again but they wouldn't have it. It was either them or you. I betrayed once already Carlos, and I'm not planning on doing it again," he said most of this with a smile. It took me a moment to comprehend what he had said, but when I did I engulfed him in a big hug. "You're the best, you know that?" He rolled his eyes and pushed me off of him. "Yeah, yeah don't make this into a love fest." "Aw, Logie doesn't like love? Come on Logan, let me show you how to love- just like Lil Wayne!" I reached to him but he stepped out of the way, "No." I smirked. "Come on!' I reached out again. "No!" he said, firmer this time. I ignored him and attempted to grab him again. "Don't be a hater!" He ran away and I started to chase him all around the Palm Woods.

Just like old times.

****

I had come upstairs by myself since Logan went with Camille for a 'celebratory' date in the park while Katie went to scam grown men and women out of their hard-earned money. Jo and Rachael decided to have some girl time and went to the mall- leaving me alone. It's not like I minded though.

I walked into 2J with a big smile gracing my face. Today had been one of the best days I've had in a long time. Hanging out with the girls has been great (there's even a small rumour going around that I'm becoming a ladies' man), but I do need to spend some time with someone of my own gender.

The smile was soon wiped off my face when I entered my room. My laundry basket was empty. As in... empty- nothing was in it. "Oh, no..." I looked all around my room for the washcloth and it wasn't anywhere.

"Looking for this?" I spun around at the voice. My eyes widened as I noticed Mrs. Knight standing in the doorway, the washcloth in her hand.

"N-no. Why would I be looking for that?" I asked, cursing myself for stuttering. "Oh I don't know. This is just a thought but: maybe it's because it's covered in blood and it was in your hamper. And maybe because I was pricked by some hidden razor blades when my bobby pin fell into the garbage in the bathroom. What is this Carlos? Have you started cutting again?" I froze. How did she know about that? I've never told anyone about that but Logan.

"No," I responded immediately. "I mean... no because I've never done it before," I lied, discreetly hiding my bandaged arm. "Oh? Then let me see your arm. That's not a problem is it? After all... you've never cut yourself, right?" I gulped and moved my arm from behind me. Mrs. Knight raised an eyebrow. I sighed and took off my light grey sweater. No more than a second later I rolled up the sleeve of my burgundy coloured shirt, revealing the white gauze that contrasted harshly against my caramel-coloured skin. I didn't look up as I slowly unravelled the thick bandages and let it fall to the floor in an uneven pile. When my arm was fully exposed Mrs. Knight gasped softly. The gash was large, red, and swollen. It was also significantly longer than the other ones, stretching to the middle of my forearm while the others were only about 5 centimetres long or so.

Mrs. Knight removed her hand form in front of her mouth and put the washcloth in my garbage can. She walked slowly over to where I was silently studying my scar, extremely interested. She grabbed my arm gently and pulled it in her direction, making me break my gaze and bring it to her saddened face. Her bright blue eyes looked over the cut and I saw that she was on the verge of crying. "Carlos..." she choked. "Why...?" That's all it took for me to break down crying. The salty tears cascaded down my face, most falling onto my arm, making the cut sting pleasurably. _Pleasurably. _I find pain _pleasurable_; it's disgusting and so am I.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. I don't know what I'm apologizing for but I felt it was the right thing to do. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I kept repeating. Right now I just wanted to find those razor blades again and cut everything. I sobbed harder. I'm sick. Something's wrong with me- I'm becoming one of those people in movies that want to cut themselves after the slightest thing happens. One of those people in rehab that you think are nasty because of all the scars they have. One of those people who you feel so bad for. One of those people who you swear you'll never become. The person I am.

"Carlos, sweetie, I need to bring you to the hospital. And then... I think we should make a stop to Dr. Crestman's office," Mrs. Knight spoke softly but I could easily hear the pity in her voice. She felt sorry for me. Heck- even I felt sorry for myself. I nodded nonetheless, starting to wipe my eyes with my free hand. She nodded back and left, letting go of my arm and allowing it to fall to my side. She came back a few seconds later with some tissues and water. I took the tissues and wiped my eyes then blew my nose, disposing of the now used tissue in the garbage can with the washcloth in it. I gratefully took the glass of water and took a large gulp after a small smile to Mama Knight. I finished the glass of water and muttered a small "thanks" to the auburn-haired woman. She smiled softly and re-wrapped my arm in new gauze that she also brought in. She pulled down the sleeve and handed me the forgotten sweater. I put it on and we made our way to the elevator.

When it arrived we took it to the ground floor and stepped off when the doors re-opened. Mrs. Knight and I walked through the many throngs of people in the lobby and to the car. I pulled the door open when the car was unlocked and slid inside. I immediately buckled my seatbelt and waited for Mrs. Knight to make her way into the driver's seat. When she did, she turned on the car and was about to drive off when I stopped her.

"You should put on your seatbelt," I muttered, looking blankly at my hands. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her give me a sympathetic glance before buckling her seatbelt and securing herself. Once she was ready, she stepped on the gas pedal and exited the Palm Woods Parking Lot.

****

I walked into the hospital with my head bowed and my hands in the front pockets of my black skinny jeans. I didn't pay attention as Mama Knight spoke to a young woman with hazel eyes behind thick black-rimmed glasses and wavy dark brown hair at the receptionists' desk. I zoned out and let my thoughts wander. Why did I let it get this far? Why didn't I just stick up for myself earlier? Why, why, why? I only asked the questions and I had the answer to absolutely none of them. I snapped out of my reverie when I heard me name being called.

"-los," I looked to my left and saw Mrs. Knight and the receptionist looking at me with concerned eyes. "Yeah?" I asked curtly. "Can I take a look at your arm sweetie?" Lorraine (according to her nametag) asked politely. I hesitantly nodded in agreement and shrugged off my sweater once again, Mama Knight gently prying it out of my grasp. I rolled up my sleeves and extended my arm so I could unravel the gauze. Once that was done, i extended my arm even further so that Lorraine could examine it.

She took my arm precariously and scanned it. She gasped softly as she saw the new, deep gash in my forearm. "Dear God..." she exclaimed to herself. She looked up at me and I could see the disappointment in her hazel eyes. "I'll get a doctor right on that," she told us gently in her obvious southern accent. Mrs. Knight nodded whilst I took my arm away, not even bothering to bandage it up or roll back up my sleeve. I watched as Lorraine pressed a button and returned her attention back to us. "A doctor will attend you shortly. You may wait in the waiting room," she said nicely, referring to the large room down the hall and to the left. I immediately headed down there and sat on one the extremely uncomfortable sea green couches. I kept my head down, even as I heard the sound of Mrs. Knights high heels clicking on the white tiles.

As she sat beside me in silence I could feel her gaze boring into the side of my head, I could practically see the confusion swimming in her sea blue eyes, and could hear the question buzzing around in her head, all awaiting to be asked. Before she got the chance to open her mouth though, I beat her to the punch. "How'd you know? That I cut myself I mean," I asked, still not looking at her. I could hear her let out a small sigh.

"Before we came to Los Angeles," she began. "All the parents met together so that we could discuss how everything was going to go once we moved to L.A. Marissa came as well since... well you know. WE all talked for a while and once we all finished Marissa pulled me over privately. She told me that you had cut yourself and that sometimes you had sudden outbursts and would afterwards lock yourself in your room and shut yourself out completely from the outside world."

I squeezed my eyes shut. It was true, every single word. After my Mom died I cut myself once and I'd lock myself in my room for hours on end. I still do that sometimes when I'm upset. Especially on the dates of February 19th and June 23rd. I got better after nine and a half months later when I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress.

Seven months after I began to get better, my Dad died in a car accident. He and we kids spent an entire warm, June day at the beach, forgetting and not caring about anything else in the world. When the sun began to set we all just stood on the shore with our feet in the water, waves tickling and overlapping our toes. When the bright colours began to turn into a dark blue and pitch black, we packed out stuff up and headed into the Honda Sonata we had and piled in. We'd been driving for no more than 10 minutes when Marissa and I each found ourselves falling asleep and headed for Dreamland with Luke. I was rudely awakened when a series of honks were heard. Before I could even comprehend what was going on, I felt myself being jolted harshly to the side. The seatbelt was digging ruthlessly into my neck, causing a broken, pained scream to escape my lips. Even louder screams were heard throughout the car as it rolled over multiple times on the street. The car was hit again from the front when we were upside down. When the car was hit it caused the car and my head to fly back and I lose consciousness.

By the time I woke up two days had passed. I had severe whiplash, a broken leg, and a sprained wrist. I had three cracked ribs- two on the right and on the left. I had multiple scratches and bruises all over my body and a burn on my left hip. Apparently the car had burst into flames just when the ambulance and police had come. Some of the flames had managed to lick my skin when they heaved me out. But I wasn't the worst off.

Marissa had broken both of her legs and her right arm. She had four cracked ribs and a very bad concussion. There was a possibility of her having brain cancer and they had given her multiple tests, awaiting results. She never did get any brain damage- it's just that she forgets things easily. She also had a couple burns: one on her right ankle and one on her left shoulder stretching down to her back. The fact that she broke both of her legs was scary because she was a dancer. She did all kinds of dance: ballet, hip-hop... you name it and she's probably done it. She had a passion for contemporary and jazz dance which were both very involved with leg movements. We all thought that she'd never dance again. But Marissa's strong. She overcame the hurdle that was in her way and after some struggle she was dancing better than ever before.

Luke shattered his left leg and also had a concussion. He too had whiplash but nothing very serious. The only thing that the doctors were worried about was the severe amount of blood he had lost.

The worst off was my Dad. He was severely burned and broke many of his bones. He had critical damage to his brain and it was enough to kill him during surgery.

I remember screaming and thrashing around when the doctor told me. I remember having to be sedated in order to calm down. When I remembered when I woke up I just broke down crying. Then I recalled the sounds of the crunching metal, the feel of the fire touching my skin... the sounds of the screams and the cried from my family members and myself. That was one of the worst three days of my life.

"Yeah," I breathed out, admitting to my weaknesses. "It's OK," Mrs. Knight told me, grabbing my hand comfortingly. I squeezed my eyes shut again. My parents used to do that all the time. They'd be able to soothe me with just one touch. I'd be calm and it'd seem like nothing even happened. I wasn't soothed now though. It just made me want to curl up in a ball and die so I could be with my parents.

"Thanks," I choked out. I kept my head down as I heard more heels land on the floor in a rhythmic manner. "Carlos Garcia." My head whipped up and my eyes widened as I heard a familiar voice call my name. There, in the doorway of the wating room, was Dr. Thomason.

Oh no.

**a.n/ another cliffy! I decided to update because I found the time and it was gift for me and you! I love updating and writing this story and I'm a person who loves giving rather than receiving. **

**Thanks for reading and by the way... is there anything any of you want to see in this story? (Other than the boys being friends again). I love to hear your ideas so much! **

**Hopefully I'll see you soon! Reviews inspire ideas! ;) **

**Later peepz!**


	11. ANT

**a/n: HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Hey guys, I'm really, really REALLLLLY sorry about the delay on updating but I had major writer's block for the longest time. It was until like, a few days ago when some ideas came pouring down on me. But this chapter… it's not very long and I apologize for that now. I'll try to work on Chapter 12 over the winter break but there are no promises so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy Chapter 11! **

**Thanks to:**_** tomboy2012**_**, **_**milkamoo,**__**Carla, Emmajfjch, CheekyBrunette, T-Bone14, freakycutiecarlos, Robin-n-Hoodie, Lito-Arumi, Hikari no Kasai, Anonymous Skrtle, bluestring, NoctePluvia **_**for reviewing. You guys are the best!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR *sigh***

Chapter 11: A.N.T

I sat frozen in place as Dr. Thomason and Mama Knight waited for me to move.

"Carlos Garcia?" My heart was beating so loudly in my chest that I was sure that Mrs. Knight could hear it. The sound continuously rung out in my ears: _thump thump, thump thump, thump thump_. I could've sworn that every single vessel in my heart would explode. As Dr. Thomason seemed to turn and walk away, Mrs. Knight stood abruptly. "Wait!" she called. "He's right here." With that she grabbed my hand, pulled me out of my seat, and we followed the young doctor.

Once we were in the hallway Mama Knight let go of my hand. I suddenly started to become less aware of my surroundings, yet more aware. Does that even make sense? Wow, I must sound crazy... I actually probably am.

The sound of both the woman's heels echoed loudly in my mind, meshing with my heartbeat. _Thump, click_. Soon after the ticking and tocking of a clock entered my ears. _Thump, click, tick, tock_. Then the sounds of a vending machine being used. _Thump, click, tick, tock, whirr_. Then as we passed a room with an open door I heard a beep from the heart monitor. _Thump, click, tick, tock, whirr, beep._ Soon it all became a jumbled mess.

_Thumpclickticktockwhirrbeep. Thumpclickticktockwhirrbeep._  
>I kept hearing it, and every time it got faster and louder until it sounded like some completely and utterly scratched and destroyed CD that had been played. I shut my eyes while continuing to walk. It was all too much and I could feel a migraine coming on. Plus the pain from my arm didn't make it any better. I opened my eyes and the sounds keep repeating in my ears- <em>thumpclickticktockwhirrbeep<em>. No matter how much I tried to tune them out, they still stayed embedded into my mind.

With every numb step I took, the jumbled sounds got louder. _ThumpclickticktocKWHIRRBEEP, THUMPCLICKTICKTOCKWHIRRBEEP- **SLAM!**_

I looked up in surprise when suddenly all the sounds were interrupted by Dr. Thomason's office door slamming shut. She continued to walk in without hesitation and with confidence while I stood awkwardly by the doorway. She took a seat on one side of her desk and gestured for Mrs. Knight and I to do the same- which we did. For a few moments nobody said anything.

"So? What happened?" she asked, wanting to get straight to the point. I however, stayed quiet and shrugged. "You don't know?" She asked for clarification. I shrugged again and she let out a loud sigh. "Carlos this isn't something to be taken lightly. It would be in everyone's best interest if you spoke up and told me what was wrong," she pleaded. Inside I knew she was right, but I didn't want to admit it so I shrugged again causing Dr. Thomason so rub her temples thoroughly. "Mrs. Knight, do you mind stepping out a few minutes- so I can speak to Carlos alone?" Mrs. Knight nodded rapidly and stood up just as fast. "Of course. I have a phone call to make anyway. I'll meet you outside when you're finished sweetie." I sighed. I knew that she was going to call Logan. She was going to call him to let him know what was going on and to tell him not to worry or anything. And even though she said that, he'd freak out and as soon as I step into his view he'll go crazy and start asking me a whole truckload of questions which I'll be forced to answer. Then I'll have to try to calm him down for _at least _ten minutes. Nonetheless I nodded and she ruffled up my hair before walking out and closing the door behind her.

As soon as the door shut with a soft 'click' Dr. Thomason stood and also left the room. I was confused. But she entered again a few minutes later with some medical equipment. OH.

She sat down next to me in the seat that had been taken up by Mrs. Knight less than 10 minutes ago. "Give me your arm," she told me shortly. I did so and watched as she began to work on it.

"Ah," I winced as she cleaned my cut. It burned really badly, more so than usual... I guessed it was because it wasn't cleaned right away and was probably becoming infected. But it gave me a sort of sick contentment, knowing that I was like a normal human in some ways- the natural hatred of the rubbing alcohol or 'stupid stingy stuff.' "Sorry," she replied as she finished up with the cleansing.

"So," she started, as she began to stitch my arm up. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" I bit my lip in order to keep from sighing loudly. "I guess... I know you didn't want to see me with the exception of our weekly visits and I wasn't expecting to see you because I was doing so well but-" I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "But it got hard for me again. It got hard and it got _REAL._ My friend Logan- one of the ones I told you about- before we were friends again he said some hurtful things to me." "Such as?" she inquired, not looking up from her work. "He told me that I was the reason my Mom killed herself. And what makes it worse is that he's the only one who knows that I blame myself. I got upset and just went into a blind frenzy and just did the first thing that came to mind. Just before I was about to do it though I stopped. I stopped because I was wondering if it was really worth it but then I realized that it didn't matter because the pain... the emotional pain was just too strong and... and I cut myself again. I know that I shouldn't have. I know that and it's a big regret of mine but I couldn't see it at the time. I'm sorry." By now she had stopped stitching and was wrapping my arm in gauze. I'm honestly beginning to get tired of the stupid white gauze. I had stopped looking at her. I only did so when she told me too.

"There is nothing to be sorry about Carlos. You were in a blind rage. But that's no reason to cut yourself. That's not helping anyone; if anything, it's hurting you and everyone that cares about you. We've got to get rid of these A.N.T's. Do you remember what that stands for?" I nodded. "Automatic Negative Thoughts," I recited. She nodded as well. "Yeah. And you know that those aren't good. If you're feeling angry, just count to ten in your head, and calm down. Then weigh the pros and cons of the situation and think about if it's really worth it. And if you're thinking pessimistically or negatively then think of something positive that would be better than any other outcome, OK? You're better than this Carlos, I know you are. You're honestly better than a lot of other patients I've had and I see a lot of potential in you. In a matter a months I can see you walking out of Dr. Crestman's office and never having to look back. So work on getting there, OK?" I nodded again. "You, Dr. Crestman and I will work together on getting you back to 100% Carlos. Now get out of here," she said with a smile. I smiled softly back as she wrote something on a white piece of paper.

"Here," she said. "This is a prescription. Give it to Mrs. Knight and get her to take it to a pharmacy or drug store as soon as possible. Take it twice a day- one in the morning and one before bed." I nodded and reached for the knob. "And Carlos?" Dr. Thomason called out. "Yeah?" I asked, turning back around to face her, looking into her soft green eyes. "It's alright to ask for help. And not just from me and Dr. Crestsman. Asking Mrs. Knight or your friends is perfectly fine. They're probably the best people to ask actually, since they know you better than anyone else. But that's just something to take into consideration okay?" I nodded once again and she gave me a large smile. "Bye Carlos." I smiled too. "Bye Dr. Thomason." And with that, I was out the door.

I met up with Mrs. Knight back in the waiting room and gave her the prescription. "She said to bring it to a drug store or pharmacy as soon as possible," I told her. She nodded her head as she stood. "... Are you OK?" she inquired cautiously. "Yeah," I replied immediately. "Dr. Thomason and I had a talk and it really helped," I said honestly. She smiled widely. "That's great honey. Are you ready to go?" "Yup!" She laughed and we walked to the parking lot and into the car.

I had barely stepped foot into the Palm Woods when Logan came out of nowhere and attacked and drowned me in questions.

"Are you OK? What happened? What did you do? Did you have surgery? Are you in any pain? Does your head hurt? What about you stomach? Are you dizzy? Nauseous? Were you prescribed anything? Do you-"

"Logan!" The smart brunette snapped his mouth shut instantly. "I'm fine, OK?" He shook his head rapidly. "B-but you were at the _HOSPITAL_ and Mrs. Knight told me that your arm... it..." He faded as he put the pieces together in his head. I could practically see the gears turning in his head as be figured it out. Suddenly his eyes brightened and he brought them back up to me. "You cut yourself again didn't you?" He asked, bringing his once very loud voice down to a soft, low whisper. I looked down but nodded my head.

"I know you told me not to but..." I started, unsure of how to continue. "But what I said that day... it caused you to cut again didn't it?" I continued to look away. I didn't want him to feel guilty. But when I looked back up at him I could tell that the guilt had already settled into his brain. "Didn't I?" He demanded again. "Well... I wouldn't say... look Logan. Yes, what you said to me was hurtful it made me feel terrible and all the emotion that I still had pent up just burst when you said that to me. But it wasn't what you said, it was the memories that came with it. It just made me feel upset enough that... that I felt like cutting was my only option. But now I know it's not. And I'm going to stop keeping things to myself. I'm going to talk to you, and Mrs. Knight and Stephanie so you guys can help me, OK? Don't feel bad. It's not your fault. If it's anyone's its mine. I should have more self-control than that. All I want to do is put all of this behind me and forget about it. You should too."

"But I still feel bad though. You wouldn't have had those memories if it weren't for me saying that." He admitted, looking upset. "Yeah, well I don't blame you. So you shouldn't blame yourself, alright?" He didn't say anything. "Alright?" I asked again, louder. "Alright," he replied, not at all convincingly. "Alright?" I inquired again, this time tickling his stomach, making him laugh. "Alright, alright. I won't blame myself." I smiled. "Good. Now c'mon, I'm in the mood for ice-cream."

_**JAMES POV**_

"Kendall I don't know about this. It's a little extreme, don't you think?" Kendall and I were alone in the apartment at the kitchen table eating a late lunch that each consisted of a large order of chilly cheese fries. Everything was going fine until Kendall got one of his infamous plans. And this one was against Carlos.

"Why not?" He inquired after swallowing a forkful of fries. "It's perfect, not extreme." I looked at him with doubtful eyes. I'm not mad at Carlos anymore. Well that's not completely true because the pants that he ruined were expensive and a gift from my Mom. But still, he got me new pants and I guess it was an accident. But even so, Kendall's temper allows him to hold grudges even longer than my Mom and I combined. That's a long grudge.

But this was just cruel. I didn't feel that Carlos deserved this. I just think that Kendall is angry. About what? I have absolutely no idea whatsoever. But it must be bad for him to want to do THAT to Carlos.

"...It's mean. And I don't think that he deserves that." I did my best to avoid his eyes but I didn't miss the disbelief in his eyes. "Are you serious?" He asked incredulously. I nodded hesitantly and he let out a scoff. "Who's side are you even on?" I could tell from his voice that he was getting angry but I took the chance and looked up. "That's the thing Kendall... I don't want to be on sides anymore. I want things to be the way they were before. I'm tired of this." It's true. I was done with this and I didn't want to have to deal with it anymore. It's annoying and stressful and I'm always feeling as if I'm on edge. I just want to be relaxed again. I want us all to be friends again.

"James," Kendall said, his eyes softening. "Come on. He did you wrong and now we're giving him what's always been coming to him. Besides, have I ever steered you in the wrong direction?" I sighed as he smirked smugly. "...No..." He smiled widely. "Great, now here's the plan..."

**a.n: Yeah… I know. It wasn't very good. And I'm so very sorry for that but… just ugh. The next chapter will be a million times better than this one I promise. I'll try to update as soon as I can but things have been so hectic with school and family life it's just… ugh. But as I said I'll write a much better chapter. I hope you all have a happy holiday and winter break.**

**P.S. I'm gonna spend a lot of mine listening to 'Epic,' by BTR, if you haven't already you should check it out too!**

**Later peepz! **


	12. Not So Happy Birthday

**a/n: Hey guys! Guess whose back? I'm so sorry that it's been pretty much a month but I am really terrible at self-discipline. But I hope that this is okay. I really like this chapter; it's one that I've been looking forward to for months. (No they're not all going to be friends yet but I planned this chapter a long time ago). Hope that you guys enjoy it and that it made up for the horrible-ness of Chapter 11! **

**Thanks to:_ Carla, Emmajfjch, CheekyBrunette, T-Bone14, freakycutiecarlos, Robin-n-Hoodie, Lito-Arumi, Hikari no Kasai, Anonymous Skrtle, bluestring, _and _DrowningInTheRainbow _for reviewing. You guys are the best!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR, "Better Than You Know Yourself" by Adam Lambert (even if I love that song with all of my heart!) or "More" by Usher. **

Chapter 12: Not So Happy Birthday

"DOGS!" I winced as Gustavo yelled loudly in our faces. Again. I've gotten quite used to it over time we've been in L.A, but still... I don't really appreciate being yelled at. Especially by a guy who seems to have five speakers and two mega-phones hooked up to his voice box. Anyway, the four of us were at Rocque Records and in the dance studio. Mr. X had spent about an hour on teaching us a new dance for our newest song and another 2 hours for us to memorize and get the moves down 100%. Now that we could all do the moves perfectly, James and Kendall took it upon themselves to keep themselves as far away from Logan and I as possible; and Gustavo was not too pleased about that. At all.

"WHY are you all so FAR APART?" He questioned loudly. "This song is about friendship and togetherness... SO WHY AREN'T YOU ALL TOGETHER AND ACTING FRIENDLY?" Logan and I shrugged. "It is those two over there," Mr. X said, waving his hand in the general direction of the tallest members of our band. "They moved over to the far side of the room and no matter how many times I told them to move they didn't. It's EXtremely vEXatious." I could tell that Gustavo was losing his almost non-existent patience when he started to rub his temples with two of his meaty fingers. "What about those two?" He asked, pointing to Logan and I. "They are fine," Mr. X replies with a shrug. As Gustavo let out a big puff of air his large chest heaved heavily. "Okay. You know what?" He questioned calmly. "I am going to give you monkey-dogs a few days off. Just so you can fix whatever's wrong with you guys and BE FRIENDS AGAIN!" Then he was stomping loudly out the door, Mr. X at his heels.

"You know guys... Gustavo's right. In his own… weird way," Kelly told us, worry evident in her eyes. "Whatever's going on between your guys is affecting your work and your personal lives. I think it'd be best for everyone if you just put this- whatever THIS is- behind you. Everyone here at the studio misses you guys being friends. And I'm sure that your friends at the Palm Woods do too." Her brow furrowed with concern, her voice laced with the same expression."KELLY!" Gustavo yelled loudly from his office. "GET ME AN ASPIRIN! NOW!" Kelly sighed and began to leave, turning back to us once she reached the doorway. "You boys really ought to think about this. If not for me, for your friends or family... do it for yourselves."

"And then the fish bit off the guy's entire head! It was hilarious!" Logan and I burst out laughing as Stephanie told us about the most recent movie she watched. As my laughter subdued I put my hand to my neck, expecting to feel the coolness of my dog-tag, only to feel like warmth of my neck. I froze, immediately going into panic-mode. There was NO WAY that I could've lost my necklace; it's always with me. I've NEVER NOT knew where it was since I got it. And now I had absolutely no clue as to where it could be.

"Carlos are you alright?" I looked to my left and my eyes met Logan's worried ones. I briskly shook my head., feeling more upset when I didn't hear the subtle jingle of the chain rubbing with the actual tag. "N-no... my necklace. I don't know where it is. Logan I NEED it. That thing is my life!" My eyes began to look frantically around the pool, searching for anything silver and shiny.

"Carlos?" I didn't respond. I just continued my pursuit for my necklace, pausing briefly then exhaling angrily when I mistook an earring for my necklace. "CARLOS!" This time I turned my head to face Logan, my eyes glazed over and unfocused. "You have to calm down now," he told me. "I can't Logan. I lost it- I don't know where it is... it's one of the last things I have of them," I pleaded, my voice raising an octave then going back down and into a whisper. "I know, but freaking out isn't going to help at all. So let's calm down and carefully look for it okay?" Logan spoke in a slow tone, as if talking to a young child. In any other situation I would have been extremely ticked off thy he was talking to me in such a way, but right now I was more concerned about other things. I nodded and he did as well. "Good. Now did you check your pockets?" I shook my head and checked all four of them, only to come up empty-handed. "Logan, it's not in any of them! Where is it?" Despite the fact that I felt myself practically descending into madness Logan kept up his tranquil facial expression. "I don't know right now bud. But we're going to find it."

We actually didn't end up finding it. It was really hard for me to deal with at first. I've become so accustomed to having it with me at all times that not feeling it dangling around my neck has me on edge. Logan and Stephanie have been trying to calm me down. It's kind of been working but I don't think that I'll be completely calm until I have my necklace with me; safe and sound.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up..." When I awoke I noticed two things. One: someone was repeatedly bouncing up and down on my bed, and two: that same person was repeatedly telling me to wake up. I was barely up for 10 seconds and I was already annoyed and cranky. Not a very good way to start the day.

"I'm up Stephanie. You can stop now," I moaned tiredly. She looked down to me from her standing position on the bed. "Oh, good." She then found it appropriate to fall to her knees... right on top of my stomach, causing me to grunt in pain. "Ow," I groaned. "Sorry," she apologized, to which I mumbled something unintelligible in response. We both lay (or sat) there in silence for a few moments. "Um, Stephanie it's not that I don't enjoy your company but... why are you here? And so early in the morning?" I asked, trying not to sound too rude. She laughed loudly, her head flying back, making her look kind if crazy. "I'm here to wake you up... and to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday! Plus it's not that early. It's like... 10:15." Oh yeah. October 19th... my birthday. "Oh. Thanks," I said, managing a small smile. '10:15,' I thought. 'So much for sleeping in.' "No problem. Anything else?" she asked. "Uh, yeah one more thing... how'd you get into the apartment?" She shrugged. "Logan let me in." WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE DO THAT? DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT I'M NOT A MORNING PERSON? I sighed. "Okay. Well would you mind getting off of me? Please?" When she did, I immediately stretched out my muscles, some bones cracking, causing me to wince.

"Soooo... What'cha planning to do on this special day?" Stephanie asked, drawling out the word. By now I had stood up and was picking out what I was going to wear. I decided on a white T-Shirt with blue sleeves that reached my elbows and a short blue neckline. It's been 2 weeks since the last hospital visit and in that span of time my arm had healed and the scar was beginning to heal as well. The news yesterday said that it was going to be kinda hot today so I decided on black knee-length shorts and my dark grey Vans to go along with my shirt.

"Um... nothing much. I think I'm just gonna hang by the pool today. Just chill, I guess," I shrugged. Stephanie shook her head violently, making her look crazy again. "Not anymore! You promised me last month that you'd teach me how to play Black Ops!" I looked at her as if she'd grown an extra head. Really? Of all days she chose TODAY to decide that she wanted to play? "Seriously? I really just wanted to be by the pool today," I pleaded. "And you will... it'll just be after you teach me how to play. Come on please? I need to beat my brother!" I sighed in defeat, deciding not to argue any longer, knowing that I'd lose anyway. "Fine," I said, rubbing my hand over my still slightly tired face. Stephanie clapped excitedly. "Yes! Now shower, get dressed and I'll make you breakfast. And then when you're finished eating we can play!" I nodded slowly, wondering what she could've possibly put in her own breakfast to make her act like... me. "Wait... you're going to make me breakfast? Steph I don't think that's such a good idea."

"It's fine- I can do it. I'm capable of doing more things than being loud, annoying and making movies y'know. Now go. Go, go, go," she urged, pushing me into the bathroom. "And don't take too long!" she shouted, slamming the door behind me. I sighed loudly. So far, today was not my day.

When I was finished my shower I was met with the aroma of French toast, eggs, and cheese as I exited my room and entered the kitchen. "What is that heavenly smell that invades my senses?" I questioned loudly, the shower improving my mood greatly. Stephanie chuckled. "That would be the scent of my world famous French toast and cheese omelet," she boasted, looking smug. "And it's all for you." I smiled thankfully at her. "Thanks Steph. But you didn't have to do all of this," I insisted, taking a seat at one of the bar stools. "It's no problem. And I wanted to. It's the perfect way to give you a birthday gift while making sure that you're eating," she replied while setting a plate full of French toast and a cheesy omelet. I rolled my eyes before I licked my lips, my stomach rumbling greedily. "Well don't just sit there and stare at it!" Stephanie ordered. "Dig in!" I immediately complied, grabbing the fork and knife she had also set down for me. Stephanie laughed for what seemed like the millionth time that morning. "Do you want milk, apple juice, or orange juice?" she asked, looking in the fridge. "Aurnahr jooce," I told her, my mouth full if food. "WHAT?" Stephanie asked, obviously confused. I chewed some more before swallowing. "Orange juice please," I said, smiling sheepishly. She nodded hesitantly. "Yeah... of course." She got a cup and poured me a glass of OJ. I nodded in thanks, Stephanie nodding back.

Soon enough I was finished with my breakfast. "Alright, let's get cracking," I exclaimed, rubbing my hands excitedly. "Yes!" Stephanie shouted, jumping on the couch next to me. "Let's play some Black Ops!"

"Are we done now?" I questioned tiredly. Stephanie and I had been playing Black Ops for 3 hours straight. Meaning that now, it was 12:30 P.M. My eyes were starting to burn and all I wanted to do was STOP! "No! I still have to kill this guy!" Stephanie shouted, crouching on the couch, moving with the controller. "Besides, I thought you were used to playing video games for hours at a time- HEY! HEY! THAT IS A FOUL!" Stephanie began to reason with me, but then someone on the opposite team shot her from behind. "Yeah, but usually I take breaks. You haven't even let me go to the bathroom!" I argued. Suddenly her phone rang, and the chorus of "Better Than I Know Myself," by Adam Lambert started to play. She grumbled under her breath but paused the game and answered anyway.

"Hello?" She said. "Oh hey!... Really? Yeah that's perfect... okay, I'll do my best... yeah... Alright, I'll see you soon. Bye!" She then hung up but proceeded to play after un-pausing the game. "I think you're right, we should head outside." I had to refrain from jumping up and down on the couch like a freak. Instead I just raised a quizzical eyebrow. "What changed your mind?" I inquired, honestly curious. "Jo just invited me to the pool. And she said that it's prime tanning time and that I'm looking a little pale," she explained, looking down at her arm briefly. "And I think she may be right. So after I get killed, we'll head downstairs." Right as she said that she died. She groaned in anger and fell back onto the couch and into a sitting position. She lolled her head over in my direction. "Let's head to the pool." I cheered and quickly turned off the game, not bothering to put away the controllers. I hastily stood and grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the apartment, making sure that she closed the door behind her. I raced to the elevators, Stephanie still stuck in my grasp and trying to keep up. When we reached the elevator I came to an abrupt stop, causing Stephanie to crash straight into me. I wasn't fazed though. I just repeatedly pressed the down button, willing the metal contraption to arrive sooner.

"The elevator isn't going to come any faster if you do that," Stephanie informed me, rubbing her head. "You never know. Besides I _need _to get outside. The Vitamin D is calling my name," I told her. "Well the sun's not going anywhere," she said just as the elevator's doors opened. I pushed her in and bounded inside myself. I pushed the 'L' button, soon after pushing the button with two arrows facing each other- the close button. The doors closed slowly and the metal box gradually brought us down. I  
>bounced some more as we made our way to the lobby. "Come on, come on, come on," I urged, staring at the doors as if that would make them open sooner. "Carlos-" Stephanie was cut off when the elevator doors opened and I once again grabbed hold of her arm. "Wait!" She shouted, making me stop unexpectedly again. "What?" I whined, stomping my foot like a child while crossing my arms. "Camille texted me," she replied simply. I stood there, mouth agape. I'll never understand girls and frankly, I think trying to will be too much work. She pulled out her phone. "It says..." she begun, pushing me closer to the pool.<p>

"SURPRISE!" There, in the pool area was almost everyone from the Palm Woods. Many of which had noisemakers that they blew after surprising me. Others sprinkled confetti and released silly string all over the place. Closest to us were Camille, Katie, Jo, Rachael and Logan. "What... what is this?" I was in complete shock. There were colorful balloons and streamers everywhere. There was also a huge banner that said "Happy Birthday Carlos!" in a variety of bright colours. Further away from the pool was a _GIGANTIC_ bounce house. It was so big it looked like it could fit about 100 people. About 20 feet away from it was a grill/barbecue. There was food everywhere and a huge table full of presents. On the table was also a boom-box hooked up to two large stereos.

"What does it look like silly?" Stephanie asked from beside me. "It's a surprise birthday party for you!" I looked at her in complete and utter shock. "But why?... A-And how?" Stephanie just face-palmed as I stuttered. "Because you deserve it buddy. Everybody thought so. Now stop asking questions, because we have another surprise for you." She began to gently push me closer to the pool. She led me to where the same large screen that premiered our "City is Ours" music video. "Now Bitters!" Stephanie shouted. Out of nowhere Mr. Bitters appeared. He had a party hat on his head and a noisemaker in his mouth. "Happy Birthday," he muttered, blowing the noisemaker in my face. Despite the spit I felt on my face, I laughed. "Thanks." He turned towards the screen, remote in hand. He pressed a button on the remote and suddenly my family appeared on the screen. I had to put a hand on my mouth to keep from crying and/or gasping.

"Hi Carlos!" They exclaimed. My Grandma Maria, my brother Luke and my sister Marissa. They were all huddled closely together, probably making sure that they were all viewed on the screen. "Hi guys," I said, once I moved my hand from my mouth. "Happy Birthday!" they shouted at once. "Thanks. How'd you arrange all this?" Marissa smiled. "Logan called us about a week and a half ago. He said that he and all your friends were organizing a party for you. Then he recommended that we do this. We agreed on a time that worked for everybody and now... here we are!" I smiled and looked at Logan. He just blushed and looked down. I made a mental note to thank him later.

"Just look at you Carlos- you've gotten so big! And you've gotten even more tan! Is that even possible? I mean you're already Latino," my Grandma of course had to go on and ramble about everything. I couldn't even bring myself to roll my eyes. I missed her so much that I actually wanted her to ramble. "Actually seeing the sun tends to do that Grandma." Some people chuckled. "Then we should visit some time. Oh by the way, did you get that package I sent you?" I nodded. "Yup." She smiled. "Good. Because it had new, expensive underwear in there." I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment when I heard every person laugh. Loudly. Thanks Grandma. "Grandma..." I whined. "Sorry, sorry," she apologized. I smiled, showing her that it was OK.

"Alright, I can't take it anymore- dude how on Earth do have all these girls that close to you on their own account?" Luke asked, looking absolutely incredulous. Before I could give a response Stephanie and Camille had each taken hold of one my arms- Stephanie on the left and Camille on the right. Jo and Rachael were on their flanks. "How could we _not _be so close to Carlos?" Stephanie asked, making herself look extremely flirtatious. "I know right?" Camille inquired running one of her hands up and down my arm. "He's _so _cute," she told Luke. "And hot," Rachael added. "And funny," Jo included. "Nice," Stephanie said. They all looked at each other mischievously. "And muscular," they concluded, giggling like young school girls. By now I could tell what they were doing and decided to play along. "Thanks girls," I said, looking at each of them. I then glanced back up at the screen where Luke's jaw was dropped but Marissa and my Grandma had knowing looks in their eyes. Those girls were too smart. "What Luke? You jealous?" Luke just stared at me as if I was crazy. "Well of course I'm jealous! You've got hot girls hanging onto you from every corner!" I winked at him. "Hm... You seem to be right. I guess that means it's an off day today." Luke face-palmed. "OK, what is wrong with you girls? Do you have mental disorders? Or you're blind? Stupid? Oh, oh I know! The water in the pool is infected and when you got in it-" His voice was muffled when Marissa clamped a hand over his mouth. "Yeah, yeah save it. Don't worry about him ladies; he's a loser. How's life in Hollywood been little bro?" I laughed as Luke continued talking behind my sisters hand. "It's been pretty good. The band's getting really popular really fast and I can't really complain. Life has been good. Still missing you guys a bunch though." Marissa and Grandma smiled softly. "We miss you too. And I think you're getting famous faster than you realize. I'm always hearing girls talk about you guys, practically swooning." Luke took that moment to push Marissa's hand off of his mouth.

"_Practically?"_ The girls at my school spend more time looking at your posters than looking at me. That is completely insane. I mean, hello, have they seen this face? I'm incredible!" Luke asked rhetorically, seemingly infuriated. "Yeah incredibly stupid. And I think that they have. They've also probably seen that nasty thing in your teeth..." Luke shrieked and jumped up, picking at his teeth. "Relax dude," I said with a laugh.  
>"I'm just messing with you." He sat down with a loud huff. "Well it's not very funny." I smiled. "Sorry bud." Suddenly a bark was heard and a dog appeared on the screen, causing many of the girls to "aww" fondly.<p>

"Roxy!" I exclaimed. Roxy was a West Highland white terrier. She was small and fluffy and just as energetic as me. She was the dog that my Grandma got us after our first dog Sparky (who was a golden retriever) died after Luke gave him some chocolate. I've never fully forgave him for that yet and I don't think that I ever will.

Roxy barked in reply and went to lick the webcam, only to be pulled back by Luke. "You can't kiss him, he's miles away. Plus you're gonna smudge up the camera." I smirked. "You're just jealous that girls aren't the only ones that want to kiss me," I stated smugly to which Luke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah just give me a few years and the ladies will be all over me," he announced proudly. I just snorted loudly. "You already hit puberty. You're not gonna grow much taller or get any better looking. So don't get ahead of yourself," I informed him. "Whatever. Don't you worry, girls love me anyway." Just then Roxy bit his hand. "OW!" He screeched.

"Well," Marissa said while laughing. "I think that settles it. Look, we've all got to get going now." I sighed but gave a small smile. "Okay." Marissa smiled back. "Call us back later, alright?" I nodded. "Yeah, totally." Luke pushed Marissa out of the way and got so close to the camera that the only thing you could see was his head.

"And ladies, if you want to call me, dial-" He was interrupted when he was pulled back by Grandma. "Stop trying to seduce these older women that you don't even know! What did I tell you about that? Deja de ser un pervertido! No intentar seducir a las mujeres de más edad, he planteado que es mejor que eso!" Marissa and I laughed loudly while Luke blushed. Everyone else looked confused and it made me laugh even louder. "Alright guys I'll talk to you soon," I said, waving rapidly. "Bye Carlos!" They shouted, waving back. "Love you!"

"Love you guys too!" Marissa leaned in slightly and then the screen went blank. I turned around and saw everyone just standing there, some appearing slightly awkward. Now that won't do will it? I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted: "What are you guys waiting for?" They all turned to me, looking surprised. "LET'S PARTY!" Everyone cheered and clapped, others blowing their noise makers. Instantly the boom-box turned on, and loud party music blasted through the speakers that it was hooked up to. I smirked as I saw everyone begin to party. "That's better."

"You're family is so cute," I whirled around and saw Jo, Camille, Rachael, Stephanie and Logan approaching. I recognized the voice that spoke as Jo's. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "I guess that's one way to put it. But it was really good to see them again. Even if it was via Skype," I explained, earning chuckles out of them.

"You're brother is... something else," Rachael commented, flipping her curly hair out of her face. "And that's the nice way of putting it," I added. "Face it; he's a perverted freak." The others seemed to try not to agree. "Not perverted..." Camille started. "Just... interested." I snorted. "Yeah. So interested that my Grandma almost got him enrolled into an all-boys boarding school. My sister and I had to convince her that it was just a phase and that sending him there wouldn't solve anything; just make him crave girls more or begin to crave... guys," I admitted, my friends wincing. "Yeah... she changed her mind a little after that." They nodded in understanding.

"Hey thanks for doing all this guys. It really means a lot," I said earnestly. Stephanie came over and slung an arm over my shoulder. "It's no problem. And like I said; you deserve it. Plus, we wanted to get you out of your funk," she told me, punching my temple lightly, earning a chuckle out of me. "Yeah well it worked. This is amazing; I love it so much. And I cannot wait to try out that bounce house!" I exclaimed. "That one was Jo's idea," Camille said with a smirk aimed at the blushing blonde. I reached over slightly and slung my left arm over Jo's right shoulder. "Well that makes Jo awesome. Now let's get partying!" I shouted, running off towards the bounce house.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw Gustavo and Kelly coming near. "Hey guys," I said, jogging towards them. "What are you doing here?" I questioned, cocking my head to the side. "I thought you wanted us back at the studio by Tuesday." She nodded. "Yeah well we came to quickly drop by to give you these!" Kelly exclaimed with a bright smile. From behind her back she pulled out two presents and pushing them towards me, silently asking me to take them. I reached out and gently took them from her. "Thanks. But you didn't have to do this; seriously." Kelly smiled again. "We know. But we wanted to. Right Gustavo?" She asked, turning to the large man, who just grumbled in reply. "Right Gustavo?" Kelly inquired tightly again, this time elbowing him harshly in the gut. Holding his stomach in pain he wheezed out a response. "Right. We uh... we wanted to give you presents... for your birthday. Happy birthday." I smiled fondly at his awkwardness. "Thanks Gustavo. Thanks Kelly." Kelly nodded. "It's no problem at all. Hey we gotta head back to the studio now. Have a good birthday okay Carlos?" I nodded back. They turned to leave before an idea popped into my head. "Hey Kelly!" She whirled around. "Would you and Gustavo mind staying just for a little bit? There's something that I want to try with you guys." Kelly looked apprehensive. "I don't know Carlos. We really have to go." I knew that if I wanted to have this go my way, I'd have to pull out the big guns. So I made my eyes really big and pushed out my lower lip, making it quiver. "Oh no please don't do that..." Kelly pleaded. I just continued to make the "Face that Causes Pure Evil and Destruction that Almost Never Ends Well" as Logan calls it. After about 12 seconds she caved. That's a new personal record. "Okay fine. What is it?" I dropped my facade and smiled. "Hold on," I ordered. I quickly raced over to the gift table, carefully put down the two neatly wrapped presents, and then made my way back over to them. "Follow me."

We crossed the pool area and I stopped in front of the bounce house. I turned around with a large smile and saw that the two of them were looking at the bounce house with eyes as wide as saucers. "No. No, no, no, no, no. Carlos NO. We can't." I smiled at her. "Of course you can! Come on please? Just for a little while- 5 minutes. Then you can leave," I pleaded, ready to bring out the Puppy Dog eyes again if necessary. Kelly closed her eyes and let out a big breath. "Fine," she agreed, opening her eyes. I let out a cheer and gave an energetic fist pump. "Yes! Take off your shoes and let's get in!" I kicked off my shoes and Kelly did the same. I hopped into the bounce house and helped Kelly in herself.

"Come on Gustavo!" I yelled, jumping slightly. The producer shook his head with fervor. "No," he said shortly. "Not. A. Chance. I'll be waiting over here when you children are done with your immature activities." He started o walk away before Kelly grabbed his arm.

"Oh no. If I'm doing this, then you are too," she claimed. "Now take off your shoes," the assistant ordered. "No I'm not going to-" Gustavo was interrupted when Kelly shouted loudly. "I SAID TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES!" Seemingly scared, Gustavo took off his shoes, much to the amusement of me and the few other people in the bounce house.

After Gustavo took off his shoes Kelly and I helped him inside of the bounce house. "Now let's bounce!" I hollered, jumping into the middle of the bounce house along with the other Palm Woods residents. We were all laughing and having fun, Kelly joining us soon after. When I turned my head however, I noticed that Gustavo was just standing in a corner, arms crossed and looking grumpy. 'Now that won't do will it?' I sprung over to large man quickly.

"What'cha doing all the way over here Gustavo?" I asked innocently, even though I knew exactly why he was alone in a secluded corner. "I'm waiting for you two to be done hopping around like idiots so Kelly and I can go back to the studio," he told me bitterly. "I bet if you come and jump with us the time will go by even faster," I said happily. He growled. "No thanks." I grabbed one of his chubby hands. "Oh come on Gustavo," I pleaded, tugging on the hand. "It's lots of fun," I assured, still bouncing slightly. "No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

No!"

"Pretty please with cherries and sprinkles and fudge on top?"

"Fine! Just... stop talking...please." I smiled and pulled Gustavo to where everyone were still jumping. I joined them after letting go of my boss's hand. Though he was in the midst of excitement and laughter Gustavo continued looking irritated.

"Come on Gustavo, you promised!" I whined. "Just jump." He grumbled and reluctantly bounced on his toes. I smiled widely. "Yeah! Just like that! Now try jumping lowly- close to the ground." Gustavo gradually did so, a small smile appearing on his face. "Awesome!" Soon everyone was surrounding Gustavo as he jumped, cheering him on.

"Okay Carlos this was really fun, but we have to head back to the studio now," Kelly said with a smile on her face, slightly out of breath. "Awwww," Gustavo and I whined. "Do we have to?" Gustavo asked, now full of energy. Kelly chuckled and shook her head good-naturedly. "Yeah. Sorry guys but there's work that need to be done. Come on Gustavo. Maybe you can write a song about a bounce house now." A grumbling Gustavo followed Kelly out of the bounce house, each slipping back on their shoes. "We'll see the four of you on Tuesday. Have a happy birthday!" I waved as they began to walk away. "Thank you! And thanks for coming by!" After they left I spent a good 15 more minutes inside the bounce house before deciding to get something to eat.

I exited the inflatable toy before I slipped on my shoes and walked over to the grill that was being stationed by Guitar Dude.

"Hey G.D!" I exclaimed, giving him a smile. He looked towards me from behind his ever-present sunglasses. A contented smile appeared on his face.

"Oh hey birthday dude! Happy b-day!" He said in his usual drawl. "Thanks. What'cha got there? I'm starving!" I asked him, rubbing my hands together in anticipation, my stomach also rumbling loudly as if to prove my point. "I've got burgers, hot dogs, shish-kabobs with veggies, and all meat shish-kabobs," he told me. "Take your pick." I put a hand on my chin, tapping it a few times with my index finger. "I think I'll take a burger... or two and a kabob with veggies please," I requested, looking mischievous. He let out an airy laugh, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down. "Two burgers and a veggie kabob, coming up!" He threw two frozen hamburgers and a long wooden skewer with meat and veggies on it onto the grills and soon enough they were ready. He placed them on a plate and handed it to me. "The buns and condiments are over there little birthday dude," he informed me, pointing behind him where indeed, a small table of hamburger and hot dog buns were located, along with ketchup, mustard, relish and other condiments. "Thanks Guitar Dude. See you later!" I said, heading over to the table. "Bye dude!" He replied, then began to talk to some girl that appeared next to him.

When I got the table, I picked up two pairs of hamburger buns and put the hamburgers in them. On each I added ketchup, mustard, lettuce, and cheese. With the ketchup I wrote my initials, the mustard overlapping it. I decided not to put anything on the kabob. Picking it up and taking a bite, I scanned the scene. Many people were still on the bounce house. Others were dancing to the music while some chatted with their friends, a good set of them eating something. I saw a lounger that wasn't being used and hurried over to it before it became occupied.

I sat on the light blue lounger and put down the skewer down onto the plate, the piece of food having being eaten. After taking a bite from one of my hamburgers, I started bobbing my head lightly to the music as "More" by Usher came on. I sang along to the lyrics in my head as I chewed. I was startled when a pair of hands covered my hands.

"Who is using their hands to cover my face?" I asked dumbly after swallowing. "Guess," a voice that I'd recognize anywhere said. "...Jennifer?" She took her hands off of my eyes. "Yup." I looked behind me and saw blonde Jennifer. I was confused, especially when the other two Jennifers appeared at her flanks. "Look, it's your birthday and the Jennifers and I decided that we wanted to give you a present," the blonde Jennifer said.

"But it's a one-time thing," brunette Jennifer told me, holding up one of her index fingers as if to prove her point. "So don't expect it to happen again," curly-haired Jennifer concluded.

"But what-" I was interrupted when each of the Jennifers kissed me. On the lips. They all pulled back, a smirk on each of their faces. "Happy birthday Carlos," blonde Jennifer said, before they all walked away. I just stared after them in shock, a stupid, contended smile slowly developing on my face. "Best. Birthday. Ever."

When I snapped out of my temporary trance I finished eating and threw my plate into the already over-flowing trashcan.

Just when I was contemplating on what to do, the singing of a familiar tune caught my attention.

"Happy birthday to you!" I looked up and saw Logan and Stephanie holding a large purple cake that read: "Happy 17th Birthday Carlos!" in yellow letters. As they continued to sing everyone else slowly began to join in.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Carlos! Happy Birthday to you!" By now Logan and Stephanie had reached me and stood directly in front of me.

"What are you waiting for?" Logan asked. "Blow out your candles!" I chuckled before I did so, all of the little flames diminishing. "Good. Now let's have some cake!" he exclaimed, earning multiple cheers. I followed Logan and Stephanie as they carefully made their way over to the food table, where a big gap was. They placed the cake on the table where the gap was. I hopped from foot to foot as Logan cut the cake up into equal slices. He seemed to have noticed me because he paused and turned to me. "Calm down Carlos, the cake isn't going anywhere," he stated with a laugh. "I know but it looks_ so good_!" I drawled, my mouth practically watering at the sight. Logan laughed again. "Yeah well here," he said, passing me a plate with a large slice of vanilla cake on it. "Enjoy." I smiled widely and took a plastic fork from the table. "Thanks Logie!" I shouted, rushing off and towards my sun lounger again.

After shoveling down my cake I relaxed in the sun for a while before heading over to the stereos and dancing with a few friends to the various melodies that played.

Before I knew it the time had flew by and it was almost 5:30. I walked up to Logan after spotting him and interrupted his conversation with Camille by pulling him into a headlock. He never got a chance to even exclaim in surprise because I beat him to the punch.

"Thanks for organizing everything with my family. It really means a lot to me," I admitted, giving him a noogie while he remained in a headlock.

"It's no big deal," he choked. His voice was a little strained and I knew that it was from the force of my arm digging in his neck. "I knew that you were missing them and it was your birthday so I decided that it would be a perfect present. It was a way that you could see your family, your family could see you and so I wouldn't have to buy you anything. Now please... let me go," with a chuckle I did so and Logan immediately stretched and adjusted his neck. "Darn Carlos," he croaked, rolling his head around weirdly. "You're grip has gotten even stronger dude. You need to stop with those steroids," he joked. I lightly punched his shoulder. "No drugs for me bro," I explained. "It's all muscle." I flexed my arms causing both Logan and Camille to laugh. "Oh and by the way, do you know if we have any more cake?" I inquired, knowing that I looked anxious. "Uh, maybe. You'd have to check it out quickly because it was attacked... like ravaged." I looked up at him nervously. "How ravaged?" I asked. "Like you when you see a table of freshly-made corn-dogs." I gasped and ran over to the table, yelling a quick "thanks" over my shoulder. Luckily there were only three slices left. I put the one closest to me onto a clean plate and picked up another fork. I plunged the utensil into the pastry and sighed in content when it reached my taste-buds.

"Life is good."

After finishing up my cake I re-entered the lobby after over 5 hours of being outside. I strode over to where Stephanie and the other girls (and Logan) were talking. I plopped down into a chair next to Stephanie and took the drink that she had in her hand, taking a swig from it. She scrunched up her face before giving me a dirty look.

"Dude!" She whined, taking the cup after I offered it back to her. "You just gave me your nasty cooties," she informed me, slapping my chest. I winced at the force she used, gently running a hand over the area. "Sorry," I apologized. "I was thirsty." She rolled her hazel eyes at me. "Oh and you couldn't get yourself a drink before you came and dropped your big butt over here?" She questioned, to which I scoffed. "No, I couldn't. And I do_ not_ have a big butt... it's a sexy butt," I claimed with a smirk, causing everyone to burst out laughing. "Whatever," Stephanie giggled.

"So how're you enjoying your party so far Carlitos?" Camille asked. "It's totally awesome. I seriously don't know how to thank you all for this," I answered.

"No thanks are needed," Rachael said. "Just seeing you smile is thanks enough," Jo added. Katie scoffed out loud. "Speak for yourselves. I'll take my money in cash please," she told me, holding her hand out, palm up. I reached over and gave her a high-five. "There ya go. 5 dollars in cash." All of our laughter was interrupted when suddenly I felt a piece of cake in my unsuspecting face.

A loud, collective gasp escaped from not only me but from anyone else who had seen the affair. Which I guessed from the volume of the gasp was almost everyone in the lobby. I raised a tentative hand and wiped the cake away, uncaringly flicking onto the ground. I looked up and saw James there, smirking. I honestly expected it to be Tyler playing a small prank on me. Him and I would always do things like that, playing small jokes on one other when we were bored or when the perfect moment came up. So naturally I was surprised when I saw James looking down at me.

"Happy Birthday." I felt Stephanie get ready to jump up but I held her down with my clean hand. But that didn't stop her from talking.

"What the hell James? What's your problem?" James just shrugged, the same smirk plastered on his tan face.

"I think you missed a spot James," another voice noted from behind me. Before I got a chance to investigate I was drenched with a freezing cold liquid. After the "shower" was finished I opened my eyes and saw Kendall appearing beside James, giving the latter a high-five. He turned away from the brunet and looked at me. "Aw did the birthday boy get all wet?" He asked me with a fake empathetic voice. I just continued to look up at him in disbelief. Out of anything Kendall has ever done to anyone this was by far the lowest. "Oh wait, I forgot something," he exclaimed. "You're gonna love it," he assures as he dug around in his pocket. He continued searching for a few seconds before pulling out something silver. When he fully exposed it I immediately recognized it as my lost necklace. Or stolen necklace I should say. "Here," he said, tossing it at me. "Happy birthday," he added, laughing, James soon joining him.

I picked up the necklace, looking at it briefly before looking back up at Kendall. I hastily put it on, trying to keep my temper at check. I couldn't believe that they actually had the nerve to do this to me. They knew exactly how much this necklace meant to me. That's probably why they took it in the first place. My jaw clenched and my hands went into fists, opening and closing repeatedly. I could hear Stephanie trying to calm me down but it only sounded like mumbles. I closed my eyes tightly, opening them soon after. By now Kendall and James were looking back at me. Kendall must have noticed my fists and my angry expression because be decided to comment on them.

"Oh look James, he's getting mad," he told his friend, obviously amused. Suddenly he leaned down until he was face-to-face with me. "You want to punch me?" He questioned, looking smug. "Well then go ahead... I dare you," he said tauntingly. Inside of me, something snapped. I knew at that moment that I had cracked. After all the months of torment I had to go through, something inside of me had finally cracked. Taking the blonde up on his offer I swung my arm back, my fist making harsh contact with his jaw. Kendall stumbled back, clenching his cheek. Blood dribbled from his nose and he looked at me with disbelief.

"What the hell Carlos?" His usually warm green eyes were blackened with anger. I've seen the look a thousand times. It was the look he gave anyone who messed with his friends. I've never been on the receiving end of the look but at this point I really didn't care.

"You told me too," I countered, my hands still in fists. He wiped the blood off of his face before turning back to me. "Yeah well I didn't think that you were actually gonna do it," he replied. "I didn't think that you were that much of an idiot..." I was up in an instant but before anything could happen Logan was holding me back, James doing the same with Kendall. "What's your problem?" He asked. I let out a humourless laugh.

"My problem?" I repeated bitterly. "Hmm, let's go down the list shall we? My problem is that 4 and a half months ago my best friends all teamed up on me and left me alone and feeling worse than I ever have before. Even though one apologized the other two are still making my life feel like hell and there's nothing I can do about it! My problem is that just when my life feels like it's going well you and James decide to go and mess it up! Both of my parents are dead and you guys took one of the last things I had of them and played a sick joke on me by giving it back on the best birthday I've had. I can't trust you guys ever again. _THAT_ is my problem Kendall." My face was heated and my chest was heaving at a rapid pace. But I didn't care; all I cared about was getting my point across to Kendall.

"Well I'm sorry that you're so messed up," Kendall replied, an eye roll going along with it. "I'd help you but... frankly I don't want to," he admitted with a shrug. By this point I was seething. I attempted to get out of Logan's grasp but he pulled me back, his grip tightening around my wrists.

"Kendall when are you going to realize that not everything is about you?" I asked through gritted teeth. "In case you haven't noticed, there are over 7 billion other people on this planet, and not all of them are names Kendall Knight and have blonde hair and green eyes and a bad attitude. Everyone else has feelings, just like you do. And right now, I feel really pissed off. But you know what? I'm done. I'm done being angry and I'm done dealing with jerks like you and James because they only lead me to things like this. I'm done being misguided and lied to. So right now I'm fine with you guys hating me and not being my friends ever again because my life is just fine the way it is. And if you decide to have at least a little bit consideration towards other people, I'd really appreciate it if you just left me alone. I can't handle all of this anymore. I've already been through way too much crap in my life to be able to deal with this." I tried to get out of Logan's grip but he wouldn't budge. "Let me go please Logan," I asked quietly.

"Where are you going?" He questioned, speaking quietly so only I could hear what he was saying. "Upstairs, to my room," I replied just as softly. "...Don't do anything stupid alright?" I sighed, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "I won't, promise," I said sincerely. "Okay." He let me go and I passed everyone, heading straight to the stairs.

I raced up the metal steps as fast as my body would allow me. I pulled the door open once I reached Level 2. I was panting heavily. I was sticky, wet and beyond angry. I just wanted to be alone. I passed Mrs. Knight in the hallway when she offered me a cupcake. I just headed towards the apartment. I slammed open the door, slamming it shut. I raced up the stairs and into my room.

Now matter how much I thought about it, I still couldn't fathom how one of the best days of my life turned into one of the worst so quickly.

** Stephanie POV**

I stood there along with everyone else as Carlos rapidly made his way up the stairs. I was in shock. I couldn't believe that Kendall and James actually had the audacity to do that. This whole event was to cheer Carlos up and to give him a fantastic birthday. Of course Idiot 1 and Idiot 2 had to go and ruin it.

Before I even registered what I was doing I stomped up to Kendall and shoved him, and the blonde staggered back into James.

"What's up with all the violence towards me today?" He asked, seemingly incredulous. I just glared daggers at him, silently wondering when he became such an idiot.

"Well what do you think?" I asked angrily, not even caring that most of the people who has been at the party were now trying to see what was going on. "How could you do that to him? He never did anything to you! He was finally happy again. You guys ruined his already tainted life and just when he starting to become himself again you guys had to go and be inconsiderate and mess it up!" I knew that right now I probably looked crazy but I couldn't bring myself to care. All that I cared about at the moment was Carlos and making sure that Kendall realized that what he did was wrong.

"I've said it once and I'll say it again, you are one of the most selfish, inconsiderate jerks that I've ever met. I have no idea what possessed you to take this to such an extreme level but right now, I couldn't care less. Now I'd really appreciate it if you went upstairs and apologized to Carlos- and meant it." I crossed my arms and looked at him with my furious hazel eyes, waiting for a response.

"No," he replied shortly. I blinked rapidly and leaned in slightly forward. "I'm sorry _what_? Did you just say 'no?'" I inquired. This time he looked at me incredulously. "Did I stutter?" He wondered rhetorically. "That's right I said no. Because you said to mean it and if I apologize I'm not going to mean it." I squeezed my eyes shut to keep myself from shouting all kinds of profanities in his face. I opened them and gazed back up to his bruising face. "Fine. But I really hope that you come to your senses and realize how wrong you are." He scoffed and looked over my shoulder, brushing past me as he seemed to find what he was searching for. "Whatever. Come on Jo, let's get out of here," he ordered, grabbing onto said girl's wrist. He looked stunned as she immediately pulled out of his grasp. "What are you doing Jo? I said 'let's go'."

"...No," she replied hesitantly, not looking at him. "What?" he questioned in shock. The disbelief was written all over his face. She looked up at him. "I said_ no_," she told him defiantly, now appearing more bold and definite. "I'm done dealing with all of this Kendall. Whether you like it or not Carlos is my friend, and the way that you're treating him isn't right. I've accepted it and was turning the other cheek, but not anymore Kendall. This isn't something that should be ignored. I talked to you about it multiple times but you never listened- not once! And I'm not sure that I can deal with the new you, Kendall." Said blonde's face shifted from incredulity to confusion. "What are you talking about Jo?" Jo sighed and tucked a few strands of her golden hair behind her left ear.

"I'm talking about the old you: the compassionate, caring, sensitive, sweet, loyal, and helpful Kendall. I'm wondering where he went, because he was replaced by a mistrusting, detached, negligent and stony version of you. You hardly spent time any with me whenever I was free and wanted to do something. You just shrugged it off and almost completely ignored me. It hurt Kendall. And it all started when this whole thing came about. I'm not doing this anymore... I can't take the heartbreak."

Kendall stared at her with concern. "What are you saying Jo?" He asked quietly. Jo looked up from her gaze on the ground and peered at him. "I'm saying that I want to break up. But only if you keep treating Carlos like this. I want you to apologize to Carlos and genuinely mean it." Kendall seemed shocked for a second before he sobered up, looking Jo right in the face.

"Fine. Then I guess we're over." Jo staggered back a bit. Anyone with eyes could tell that she wasn't expecting that. She straightened up. "Fine," she agreed, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat briefly. "Have a good life." She turned away from him, soon after being embraced by Camille. I glared at him and he looked away when he noticed it. If looks could kill then he'd be dead 100 times over... and I would be his murderer.

"Rachael..." James said suddenly, looking worried and desperate. The curly haired brunette looked up at the sound of her name being called.

"You know James," she started. "There's a lot of talk about you around here. When people started talking about you possibly asking me out tons of different people cams over to me, telling me about you. And believe it or not James, not all of it was positive. Actually most of it wasn't. They said that you were conceited, egotistic, and more concerned with your appearance and yourself than anyone or anything else. But I didn't listen to them. Because I'm not that kind of person. I'd rather get to know the person and then make my own conclusions about them- not just go by what others say. And I'm glad that I got to know you. Because you were nice, sweet, honest and SO concerned with me and my well-being. I was beginning to wonder where all these people got these ideas about you. You were none of the things they claimed that you were. But then I heard of this thing with Carlos. I tried to talk to you about it but you wouldn't respond. Then you yelled at me. You told me that it was none of my business and that I should leave you alone." James looked down guiltily.

"I figured that the whole thing was just stressing you out and that I should slightly step aside and let everything settle itself out. I did that and you kept getting mad at me and your temper was short and I didn't get why you were so upset. I should've broken up with you, y'know. But I didn't because I give everyone second chances James. And obviously, you're no exception. But this is way more than two chances. I'm done too James. I'm not going to be with a guy that takes all his anger out on other people. Especially when it's me. There's no way that I'd disrespect myself like that." She shook her head angrily and stepped back, just as Jo did.

James still looked guilty but also looked pretty upset. Guess he has more emotions than his blonde buddy Kendall.

"Let's go check up on Carlos, guys," I pushed my way through the massive groups of people, Jo, Camille, Rachael, Katie and Logan at my heels.

I pressed the 'up' button as we clumped together around the doors of the elevator. Camille was still trying to console Jo while Katie was doing the same to Rachael, telling her that 'she did the right thing' and that 'James is just an egotistic butt-face.' As we waited I heard Kendall yell out to the audience that was at the scene.

"Okay, show's over. Get outta here... mind your own business..."

I rolled my hazel eyes. But as I did that, I couldn't help but notice that Logan was slightly off to the side, a faraway look on his face. As the elevator arrived I chose to stand next to him on the way up.

"What's up with you?" I questioned, examining his face. His brow was deeply furrowed and his frown lines were prominent on his young face. His normally friendly brown eyes were darkened, looking as if they were a frightening black colour. He turned to me and looked directly at me.

"I just don't get it," he began, sounding obviously upset. "Kendall and James are some of the nicest guys I've ever known. At least they were. They would never treat anyone like this, especially not their friends. But this whole thing... it just made me realize that no matter how much you _think _you know someone, you really don't _know them_." By now the doors had re-opened and we were all filing out if the elevator, walking slowly down the hallway.

"Unfortunately that's life Logie," I told him sadly. "And that's just how people are. Most of us are two-faced; we show our friends and family a completely different version of the real us. And we'll never know until it's exposed. Just like how it was now," I concluded. The brunet just nodded and let out a large sigh. I put a hand on his shoulder, giving if comforting squeeze. "I know that it's hard now, but we'll get through this. We're strong!" To this he let out a small smile. His expression quickly changed when the sound of a large **SMASH** followed by a few thuds rang out as we approached the apartment. The six of us exchanged quick and silent looks of worry before we all dashed the short distance to the door.

Logan hastily opened the door, examining the apartment to make sure that nothing was out if order. He let out a small, relieved sigh when he saw that nothing was out of the normal. That quickly changed when we all saw Carlos' beloved helmet on the ground, dented. When we peered at the wall, we collectively gasped when we saw that there was a large dent in the wall, right next to the picture Kendall, his Mom and Katie. It's just a hypothesis, but I'm guessing that Carlos was aiming at the already abused photo. It was swaying side to side rapidly, most likely from the force of the collision.

"Come on," I said, heading slowly up the stairs. Everyone followed. I knocked cautiously on the wooden door. When I was met by silence I knocked again, more aggressively this time. "Carlos?"

"What?" I heard a gruff, husky voice say from the other side of the door. "Can we come in?" I asked hesitantly. "...Okay," he replied so quietly that I almost didn't hear him. I looked to towards the others, all of them seemingly having the same questioning looks on their faces. I gave a subtle nod and pushed open the door.

A collective gasp escaped all of us as we slowly entered the room. On each of the four walls, were a multitude of pictures. Most of them were drawings but they were all different. Some were pencil sketches, others were coloured with pencil crayons. But they were all of different things. Fish, flowers, a sunset, mountains... They were all so beautiful. He must've put them up when he came to the apartment because I didn't see them this morning. And because he was in new clothes and his hair was all messed up and damp, I'm guessing that he also took a shower.

But the artwork that captivated me the most were the black charcoal drawings. They looked so delicate and were absolutely amazing. Not to mention realistic. I knew that Carlos liked to draw sometimes, but I didn't know that his artistic ability was so high!

There were also about a dozen paintings. Most of them were portraits of his family but there was one or two of him, Logan, Kendall, and James. The first one that I saw was one of them when they were about five or six. Kendall and James were each on one the side and Carlos and Logan were in the middle. The tallest of the four each had a large water gun while the other two had nothing, so they were left defenseless. James was squirting Logan while Kendall was squirting Carlos. Carlos and Logan were both screaming, they're eyes closed as they were trying (and failing) to defend themselves from the water attacks. Kendall and James were laughing hysterically, and although they were the victims of a water raid, I could tell that Carlos and Logan were having just a good a time as their attackers. I smiled fondly. They looked so happy. Plus they were really cute kids.

In the next one, they looked to be about ten or eleven. They were sitting on a black leather couch and they each had different coloured video game controllers. From left to right it was James, Carlos, Logan and then Kendall. James looked like he was pushing Carlos to the side with his shoulder, sending him into Logan who was pushing back in response. Kendall was smiling widely, pushing Logan in the back. Carlos seemed like he was trying to push James off of him but was failing epically. James just had his tongue stuck out at him, mocking Carlos. They all looked just as happy as they had in the previous painting.

But as I turned towards Carlos and peered at what he was drawing my eyes widened.

"What are you _doing_?" I asked loudly, causing everyone else to look up from what they were doing.

"Drawing," he replied shortly, returning his eyes to the paper. "Well yeah, but what?" I questioned again, although I knew exactly what it was. "Kendall and James," he stated bluntly. True to his word were Kendall and James on a piece of paper that he was drawing on. But the thing that was out of place was that Kendall was in crutches and James was in a wheelchair. Both of their bodies were littered with bruises and scrapes, a few bandages on each of them. James' arm was in a painful looking cast and Kendall's leg was the same. Both of them had pained looks on their faces, their eyes seeming to beg to be let out of the pain they were in. I smirked at the picture briefly. It's actually a situation that I'd personally like to put them in myself. I quickly frowned when I realized that drawing violent pictures were in no way part of Carlos' gentle nature.

"Dude, drawing them all beat up isn't helping anyone," I stated, sitting in front of Carlos on the bed, my back resting against the wall that the bed was pushed up against. He scoffed in response.

"Well it is keeping me from going back down there and hitting Kendall again." My eyes widened, along with the other guests of the room. It was at the moment everyone followed my lead and sat on the bed. Somehow all seven of us managed to fit on the twin-sized bed.

"Okay, and I get that. Personally I'd like to hurt them as well but this... this isn't like you," I told him, knowing how I sounded completely worried and out of place. Carlos sighed heavily, dropping his pencil and sketchpad into his lap.

"Yes it is," he responded. I just raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Fine. When I'm upset no, I don't draw people with bruises and scars and in hospital beds but I do... I guess you could say, draw out my feelings." I cocked my head to the side, a little confused. "What do you mean?" He pointed to one of the pictures on the far wall.

"See that one of Roxy standing up, dancing with her tongue out?" He asked. I nodded. "Yeah," I replied, wondering where he was going with this. "Well I drew that when I was happy. My dog always makes me happy, no matter what. I drew the koi fish, the park, and the sunset when I was happy. They're all things that make feel happy, calm, at ease. I drew the top of the staircase when I was feeling hopeful because I felt that I had overcome anything that got in my way... just going up. I made that painting of the four of us playing video games when I was sad." I looked at him. "I don't understand," I admitted. "I was sad because when I saw the picture it reminded me of how happy we were and how unhappy I was at the time. And then I realized that the possibility of that never happening again was very high." As he explained, he gazed over at the painting, not taking his dark brown eyes off of the piece of art. The orbs were full as so many different emotions: anger, sadness, remorse, relief, longing... and that's just a few. "I don't really draw these kinds of things like this when I'm angry though. I just... I don't know what compelled me to draw this." He let out a loud sigh, closing the sketchbook and tossing it onto the desk.

We all just sat there on the bed for a few minutes before Katie spoke up. "You know what you did wasn't wrong," she told him, sounding monotonous. "Kendall was wrong." The eleven year old let out a scoff. "He and James didn't have any right to do that. It was sick and wrong and he deserved that punch- James too. So don't worry about it too much, okay?" She informed, trying to make sure that he didn't feel too guilty.

"Thanks Katie." I could tell that Carlos was about to say something else when a hesitant knock interrupted him. "Go away," he called, drawling out the word. Katie and I rolled our eyes at the same time.

"Come in!" We called, Carlos looking at us as if we were crazy. When the door opened we all sat wide-eyed, mouths agape.

Because standing awkwardly in the doorway, was James.

**a.n: Yay! Slight cliffy. I hope you guys liked this chappy! **

**Hey readers guess what… this story is almost done. ****L****. I just realized that. Only a few more chapters left. I won't get into details because that's too painful, but I'm just giving a slight heads-up.**

**See in the next chapter!**

**Later peepz! **


	13. Refusal

**a/n: Hi my readers! I tried working on his chapter but so much stuff has been happening in my life right now; my friend is the hospital and my brother is enrolled into a new school (part-time) and his twin brother really isn't happy about that. I hope that you like this chapter though!**

**Thanks to:**_** Hufflepuffer, Carla, NoctePluvia, T-Bone14, Robin-n-Hoodie, majorDPloveralways, Lito- Arumi, Hikari no Kasai, Anonymous Skrtle, **_**and **_**bluestring, **_**for reviewing. You guys are the best! And I totally forgot to say this in the last chapter; you guys got me over 100 REVIEWS! You are the absolute most terrific people ever! Especially for staying with me all this time. I love you guys SO much! I read your reviews whenever I get the chance. Thanks again!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR, Nikes, or any constellations.**

Chapter 13: Refusal

**James POV**

After everyone had cleared out the scene that Kendall and I had made, the two of us walked leisurely to the park. Well, Kendall walked leisurely. I was slightly on edge. I honestly felt really bad about what we did to Carlos. I never wanted to do it in the first place, but as per usual, Kendall pressured me into it.

"Wasn't that awesome?" He asked excitedly, the same excitement evident in his eyes. I was about to nod, say yes and agree, because that's what I've been obligated to do since Kendall and I have met. I'm just supposed to agree happily, have no opinions or complaints whatsoever because what I feel or think always comes second place to what Kendall feels or thinks. But not anymore. I'm done being second place to anyone.

"No," I replied stonily, causing him to stop in the middle of the park. He turned to me, coming face-to-face with me, giving me a perfect view of the ugly, purple bruise that Carlos had given to him just 20 minutes before. (And just for the record, purple really isn't his colour).

"What?" He asked for clarification. "Did I stutter?" I questioned, mocking the words he uttered to Stephanie just minutes before. "I said 'no'. Because losing my girlfriend and seeing one of my best friends looking so hurt doesn't really count as awesome in my book. Plus... I never really wanted to do this in the first place," I admitted with a small shrug. "I mean, sure I was mad at first. Actually, I'll be the first to admit that what Carlos did made me want to hide and destroy his helmet or something. But obviously those were my initial feelings. After I had calmed down I realized how stupid I was being; I mean c'mon pants? I can get the exact same pair if I want to pretty much anywhere else. But you pressured me Kendall. You pressured Logan and I into doing something that we never wanted to do in the first place. Now, I'm finally saying no. I should've said no 4 months ago but I didn't and look where it's gotten me. I'm done treating one of my best friends this way." The whole time I looked Kendall in the eye and watched as his emotions changed. First there was disbelief, then shock, betrayal, and lastly anger.

"Fine," he scoffed. "Whatever, I don't care. Just don't come crawling back to me when he doesn't accept your apology." I mentally froze. I didn't think about that. But now that I do, I realize that Carlos not forgiving me is very possible. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he punched _me_this time and told me that he'd never want to see me again. But I couldn't let Kendall know that. "Don't count on it," I simply replied, turning away from him.

I walked out of the park and through the lobby. The whole time I stared straight in front of me, my head held high and my eyes forward. I didn't need to look around to know that everyone was staring at me, gossiping to their friends. But I didn't care. It didn't matter. All that mattered was getting upstairs and apologizing to Carlos.

I bounded up the stairs, taking two at a time. I flung the door open that led to the second floor and strode over to 2J. I opened the door and climbed up the black stairs that led to where all the bedrooms were. I slowly began to lose my confidence as I stood in front of Carlos' door. I bit my lip and contemplated going back, but decided against it. If I was going to do something about this whole mess, I was going to do it now.

I raised a strong fist and knocked on the door three times, the sound loud and definite. I just heard Carlos groan a 'go away' and my heart sank. Of course he wouldn't want to talk to anyone. His best birthday ever was ruined. By me. (And Kendall... but mostly Kendall). I sighed softly and turned to walk away when I heard two feminine voices tell me to come in, despite Carlos' wishes. I hesitantly turned the doorknob, pushing the door slowly. I took a cautious step into the room, and as I did, everyone's wide eyes were on me.

I briefly scanned everyone's faces. Jo and Logan looked disappointed while Camille, Katie, and Stephanie looked downright angry. Rachael looked away as our eyes met, but I saw anger and hurt in them also. Carlos had an unreadable expression on his face and it honestly freaked me out a little because it was a look that I had never seen on him before.

"What?" Stephanie spat, and my eyes were immediately directed to her. The petite girl's face was stony and her eyes showed nothing but pure fury and disgust. But I couldn't focus on her at the moment because I wasn't making amends with her yet. I was making amends with Carlos.

"I was wondering if I could speak to Carlos for a little bit," I requested, my voice sounding surprisingly calm. Stephanie's gaze hardened and she crossed her arms defensively. She sat up straight and scooted to the side a little, obviously trying to block Carlos from me without making it too noticeable. "No," she replied curtly. "Carlos isn't in the mood for company right now." This time I gave her a slight glare. "He doesn't seem to mind having all of you around him." I still kept my tone calm, indicating that I wasn't intentionally starting a fight. She was just about to say something else when I beat her to the punch. "Look, I know that I'm not your favourite person right now. I'm probably like, one of the last, but right now, all I'd like to do is talk to Carlos alone. I'm not trying to pick a fight or re-open any old wounds or anything like that... like I said I just wanna talk." I raised my hands up in surrender. Stephanie turned towards Carlos. "Well, he wants to talk to you," she said. I resisted the strong urge to roll my eyes. "So? It's your choice." Although he knew that he had a bunch of eyes on him he kept his on the wall next to my head.

"Fine," he agreed, his voice holding no emotion. Stephanie and everyone else slowly filed out of the room, everyone giving me their individual glares as they left. I silently closed the door, standing awkwardly in thy doorway. "You can sit," he told me, his voice still void of emotion. I hesitantly sat down on his bed.

"Look... Carlos," I began. I honestly didn't know how I was going to word this. I knew what I wanted to say but I didn't know _how _exactly I was going to say it. "I know that I've given you crap for months and treated you how no one should be treated but I just... wanna apologize. I know it's not enough to just say sorry or anything else that I can possibly do but it's all I can give right now. I just hope you can accept my apology." I let out a large sigh of relief and ran a hand through my hair, successfully messing it up. But I didn't care.

Carlos just sat there, looking stony and upset. "Well now I'm the one that's sorry," he said, his voice still emotionless. "Because I can't forgive you James, not yet."

"What? Why not?" I asked, confused. "I came up here, apologized genuinely- and now you can't forgive me?" I questioned angrily. I was rapidly losing my patience and I knew that Carlos knew it too.

"Because James," he replied, saying nothing more. "Because what? Logan did the exact same thing and you forgave him! Why won't you do the same with me?" I argued, my frustration continuing to grow. "Well you're not Logan; you're both completely different people," he told me. "How Carlos? How are we so different?" I inquired furiously. "Logan's never lied to me!" He snapped. I've never seen someone's facial expression change so quickly and drastically. He went from calm and emotionless to angry in a matter of milliseconds.

"All the years that I've known you, you've lied to me in some way or another James! You lied about Heather Fox, you lied about getting an 'A' on your science test in grade 8 when you really just switched the two of ours, and you're always making me take the blame for things that _you_did or we both took equal part in! I'm not going to be lied to by you anymore James! Because I always try to forget about every time you lie but I can't because you go and lie to me again. Every time I build myself back up, I get knocked right back down by you! I'm not putting up with it anymore James! I'm done!" His face was red and he was slightly panting. I could tell that this whole conversation upset him.

"Carlos..." I tried to begin. "No," he said, shaking his head. "No. Not again. Get out," he demanded, not even looking at me. "Fine." I stood up slowly and walked out of the room, slamming the wooden door behind me. I threw myself angrily in the Swirly slide and slid down. I saw Logan, Stephanie, Camille, Jo, Rachael and Katie watching me from their various positions on the couch but I didn't even acknowledge them. I just went through the front door, no destination in mind. I just had to get out.

****

**Carlos POV**

This was one of the millions of times that James has gotten me so upset, and so overwhelmed that I just wanted to rip out all of my hair. He can't just compare himself to Logan; they're nothing alike! And I wasn't exaggerating when I said that Logan had never lied to me. He's always been straightforward and honest with me, even if it hurts my feelings. He told me that he knows that it'll help me in the long run. But James has never been that way. He's always done things just to benefit himself; even if that means sacrificing someone else. And most of the time I've been the one being sacrificed. My grades, my feelings... me. There's no way I'm going to be lied to by him again. Because it always hurts too much.

I let out a frustrated huff and pulled at my hair, a few strands coming out. I released the soft tufts and let myself fall back onto the bed, my head narrowly missing the wooden headboard. I was feeling so conflicted. A part of me wanted to forgive him, forgetting all of his flaws and mistakes and accepting them, and letting us be friends again. But another part of me was putting up warring signs: _'Stop!'_, _'Danger!'_, and _'Approach with extreme caution.' _It was telling me that he was going to hurt me again, and that was definitely something that I didn't want to go through again. I groaned. I needed fresh air.

I grabbed my black sweater and slipped on my black and white Nikes. I opened the door to my room and closed it behind me as I exited it. I slid down Swirly and started to put on my sweater as I stood up when I got out of the playground toy. I headed for the front door and I had almost made it when of course, I was stopped.

"Where are you going?" I let out an overdramatic sigh and turned around just as dramatically. I saw the 6 of my friends all staring at me, the exact same quizzical looks on their faces. I knew that Stephanie had asked the question but I directed my response to all of them.

"Out," I replied shortly, going to turn back around. "Out where?" she inquired, her arms crossed. "On a walk. Now is the interrogation done or do I have to stay here for 3 more hours while you ask me pointless and annoying questions?" I questioned impatiently. She uncrossed her arms and looked up at me. "It's done. Go ahead; just be safe, okay?" I gave a small smile. "Please. It's me. I'm never safe," I joked. "I'll see you guys later." I turned around and successfully left the apartment. I walked down the hallway, seeing a fist-shaped dent in the wall near 2B. I rolled my eyes. I'd bet anyone a million bucks that James was the one who made that dent. I trudged down the stairs and into the lobby where I received many sympathetic glances. I ignored them for the most part and made my way out of the hotel. I had no particular destination in mind. All I knew was that I needed to clear my head.

I walked for a good 10 blocks, just thinking. I had more than a few mental arguments with myself and it kind of freaked me out. But if it would help me figure everything out then I didn't mind at all. I wasn't really in tune to my surroundings, but when it came down to it I was sure that I would have no trouble getting back home when I came around to it. I was jolted out of my thoughts when someone bumped into my back.

"Oh I'm so sorry!" A man with a strong, and thick Spanish accent exclaimed. For some reason that voice sounded familiar.

"It's fine," I assured the man. "...Carlos?" The voice asked hesitantly. I turned toward the voice, my eyes widening in realization. "Uncle Ricardo!" He quickly put the bags that he had in his hands down and pulled me into a giant bear hug. (Or as we Garcia's occasionally call it, "The Death Trap"). I hugged him back fiercely, a gigantic, elated smile on my face. I knew that we probably looked like freaks considering that we were hugging in the middle of the sidewalk, but I didn't care. Eventually we pulled away, just gazing at each other in disbelief.

"Hi," I said with a small laugh after a few moments of contended silence. He let out his deep, loud laugh as well. "Hola." I stuffed my hands in my front pockets, balancing on my heels. "What are you doing here?" I asked him. From what I knew, he and his family had never even left Dominican Republic. He gave a large smile, his pearly white teeth showing. "Well," he began, his raspy voice soothing to the ear. "Your aunt Heather and I decided that we and the kids would take a little vacation," he explained. I nodded in understanding, but raised an eyebrow soon after. "So out of anywhere else in the world, you chose California?" He let out a low chuckle. "We do have a budget you know," he argued. "And last time I checked, Europe and Australia weren't exactly 50 cents." I nodded my head in agreement. "Okay, you've got a point."

"Come come, let's walk," he said, picking up his bags. We walked side-by-side. "What's going on with you?" He asked after a few more moments of comfortable silence. He looked over at me and I shrugged.

"Nothing much, just recording in the studio and stuff," I told him to which he nodded his head. "And everything is okay, right?" I shrugged again. "Yeah everything's fine," I lied. "Are you sure about that? Because before I bumped into you your shoulders were slumped, your head was down... all gestures that show someone who's not feeling too happy." Uncle Ricardo gave me a knowing look, almost begging me to tell him what was going on. I bit my lip and shrugged for a third time. "Um..." I glanced back up him and regretted it immediately. The look on his face made me feel guilty that I even considered lying to him. His eyebrows were knitted with worry and his mouth was turned downwards in a frown. I sighed heavily and let my shoulders slump down. "I'm just... confused. Over the past few months my friends and I haven't been agreeing, they were all mad at me," I told him. "Those friends that came over that one year I stayed at your house?" I nodded. "Kenneth, Jamison and Lucas right?" He asked for clarification. I gave a small smile at his failed attempt to remember their names. "Kendall, James and Logan," I corrected, him nodding slightly. "Well after a couple of months of them pretty much pretending as if I didn't exist, Logan apologized and the two of us became friends again, but today James and Kendall did something... that was very unappreciated to say the least. A while after James came and apologized but I told him that I didn't forgive him but..." I trailed off, not knowing how to explain. "A part of you does," Uncle Ricardo finished for me. "Yeah," I confirmed with a sigh. "And I don't know whether to forgive him or not. I mean, I miss him as a friend but I'm not quite sure if I can trust him enough yet. I already have enough trust issues as it is. I don't need to be hurt anymore." This time it was my uncle who sighed. "Look, Carlos. Decisions like this aren't easy to make- not at all. But you have to think ahead of time. Think of how it would be if you were friends with James again and if you weren't. Sure what you think may not be accurate, but it would help you get a small glimpse of what could be your future. Think about it." I smiled. "Thanks Tio," I said. "No problem," he replied. "Now you might want to go back to your home, set your mind straight. Plus it's going to be dark soon, and I don't want you wandering these streets alone and when it's dark." I rolled my eyes. Of course, my whole family's protective of one another. Sometimes it gets annoying but it's something that I'd never trade for the world.

"Alright, I'll head back." We both stopped and he put his bags down on the ground once again. He pulled me in for another hug and once again I hugged back. We pulled away and he ruffled my hair. "I'll see you soon nephew," he said with a dimpled smile to which I smiled back. "Tell Aunt Heather, Cousin Mariah and Cousin Liam that I said 'hi' for me okay?" I asked. "I will," he promised. I turned around and began to walk in the opposite direction. I looked over my shoulder when Uncle Ricardo yelled out an "Adios!" I laughed and waved. "Bye, Tio!" I called back. "Oh, and happy birthday!" He added. "Thanks!"

I walked back to the Palm Woods and by then the sun was beginning to set. On the horizon was a multitude of breathing-taking colours: pink, purple, and orange... it was really beautiful. I went through the Park, the Pool, and the Lobby. Instead of making my way up to the apartment in the elevator, I opened the doors to the stairs for the second time today. I trekked up slowly until I reached a door with the word _'ROOF'_painted onto it. I opened it and it creaked loudly. I'm surprised it even opened to be honest. I slipped through the opening and stepped onto the roof. The door closed without a hurry and groaned as the idle hinges were once again put to work. I just stood; watching the still setting sun until it completely disappeared and was replaced with the glow of the full, luminous moon. I walked up until I was at the very edge. I refused to look down because I didn't need to. There was nothing of importance to me down below. I just continued looking out at the night sky. After a while, small stars began to appear, one after the other. When the first star came into view I remembered what my whole family did before my parents died. When nightfall came, we would all go outside in the backyard- no matter what season it was. We'd wait until the first star came out, mistaking it for airplanes more times than we could count. But once the actual first star came out, we'd all hold hands each other's hands and close our eyes.

_"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might; have the wish I wish tonight,"_we'd all say in perfect unison. Then silently, in our minds, we each made a wish. Though we never spoke of our wishes, many times I got what I wanted: that new mountain bike, that art kit... But sometimes I didn't get what I wanted. Like when I wished for my parents to come back.

Now I closed my eyes as a soft breeze came by, blowing my hair. I couldn't bring myself to make a wish though. Because I wasn't in the mood for disappointment. So I opened my eyes and backed away a couple steps from the edge. I sat down and scooted back over to the ledge, letting my feet and legs dangle over freely. I stared up at the star-filled sky. For a place with unfathomable amounts of pollution there were surprisingly many stars visible. I was able to make out many different constellations: The Big and Little Dipper, Orion's Belt, Hercules and Sagittarius being just a few. I sat there on the ledge for a long time when I was interrupted by my phone ringing. I just pressed the 'end call' button without looking at the caller I.D. I continued my star-gazing when my phone rang once again. I did the same thing as last time, only this time I put my phone on silent. I sat on the roof uninterrupted for a while before I faintly heard my name being called from down below. I sighed and opened my phone. 49 missed calls. I let out another sigh and scrolled onto the most recent one: Logan. I clicked him and pressed the phone to my ear, hearing it ring once before he answered.

"Hello? Carlos?" He asked frantically. "Hey Logan. Look I know that I haven't answered the phone, and you're probably freaking out, but I'm fine. I'll be back in 2J in 2 minutes- 5 max," I told him. Logan let out a big breath of relief. "Okay, good. We'll see you soon." I didn't bother to say "goodbye" before I hung up. I scooted back and stood back up. I gazed admiringly at the stars for another minute before I made my way back the apartment.

I had barely opened the door when I was engulfed in a hug.

"There you are Carlos! I've been so worried about you!" I gently pried Mama Knight off of me, keeping her at arm's length. Her blue eyes were clouded with worry and it made me feel bad right away. "I thought that something terrible had happened to you!" She fretted, checking me over for any cuts and/or bruises.

"I'm fine Mama Knight, I promise," I assured. "I just went on a walk to clear my head," I told her. "Nothing bad happened to me." I saw her visibly relax, as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. "That's good. I would feel absolutely horrible if anything bad happened to you again."

"I told you that he was fine," Katie piped up from her place by the fridge. I smiled. Katie was always someone that I could rely on.

"So you're sure that you're fine?" Mrs. Knight asked again. I nodded. "I'm fine."

_'For now.'_

****

It's been a week since the birthday incident and the whole time I've been contemplating on which way to turn. I'd taken my Uncle's advice and thought about the future for both paths. Unfortunately, my thoughts were all jumbled and weird so it was of little help. I can't remember a time in my life when I was so utterly conflicted.

Currently, Logan and I were the only ones in the apartment. We had just finished up an early brunch and we were playing some dome hockey together. I told him about my predicament and he was trying to help me figure out what I was going to do. I was so relieved that he was so willing to help me; I knew that not many people would and have as much patience as he did.

"I'm still so... confused Logan," I admitted, feeling yet another headache coming on. I've gotten them whenever I concentrated about the situation too hard... which was pretty much every day, every hour. "I mean like I said, I'm scared of both outcomes. What if I forgive him and he betrays me again? What if I don't forgive him and I regret it? I don't think that I can deal with either," I questioned, giving a particularly hard shot towards his net. Logan released the handles of the metal bars that attached the players and walked over to me, pulling my arm. I let myself be dragged over to the couch and sat down he let go.

"Okay, you are thinking _WAY _too hard about this," he informed me, sitting on my right on the couch. "Well it's not my fault!" I argued. "I can't help it! Plus, I have to. This is a life-changing decision!" Logan started chuckling after I said this. "What? What's so funny?" I asked, seeing no amusement in this situation or subject matter. "Because, Carlos," he began, a crooked smile still plastered onto his face. "This isn't a 'life-changing' decision," he told me, putting air quotes around life- changing. "A life-changing decision is deciding to get married, or have a kid. Yeah, I see where you're coming from: this is a big deal. It's a big choice to make that will change the way some things work but I wouldn't go so far to say it's life-changing," he explained. I gave a large sigh and leaned back into the couch, covering my face with my hands. "Why can't you make the choice for me?" I whined, my voice slightly muffled by my hands. "Because," he said, removing my hands from my face. "It's not my choice to make."

****

3 days later, I had taken what Logan said into consideration. Sure, he didn't say much, but he was one of those people who say nothing yet says everything at the same time. Anyway, I had thought and thought and thought until I was sure that my brain would deflate. Finally I had come to a conclusion.

I was walking through Palm Woods Park, humming a tune under my breath as I was looking for someone. I was about to give up my search when I spotted someone with brown hair, a mirror and comb in hand, his back to me. I cautiously walked over and tapped his shoulder. He turned his head and looked up at me, obviously surprised.

"...Hey," he greeted carefully. "Hey," I replied, shoving my hands in my pockets and giving a small smile. "Mind if I sit down?" He shook his head 'no' and moved over even though there was more than enough room for me to sit comfortably. I sat down next to him and noticed that he was looking at me curiously.

"Look," I began, taking my hands out of my pockets and clasping them together. I leant forward, my elbows resting on my knees. "What I said... that day, it wasn't me talking. I mean- it _was _me who said it but I didn't mean what I said," I rambled, feeling overwhelmed and a little embarrassed. "I was angry and it was my emotions talking. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that- that wasn't the right way to handle it. What I guess I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry." I let out a big breath of relief, slumping slightly into the wooden bench. I glanced over at James and I saw that he was still looking at me. This time his eyes held wonder and confusion. "What?" I asked, feeling self-conscious and nervous. "Is there something in my teeth?" I wondered aloud, picking at my teeth. He shook his head, in a daze. "No, it's nothing like that," he responded, finally speaking. I moved my hand from my mouth, waiting for him to continue. "It's just that... you shouldn't be the one apologizing Carlos. I should. I deserved everything said to me and more. What you said about taking advantage about you… it was so true. And as terrible as it is, I never realized that until you brought it up. There's no reason and no excuse why I should have done what I did today, I mean it's just Kendall-" He stopped in the middle of his sentence, running a hand over his face. "Kendall what?" I inquired, tilting my head to the side, not quite understanding. "It's just that he kind of pressured me, y'know?" He explained. "Like during this whole... series of events he pressured me into doing things that I didn't really want to do. I wasn't quite sure how to deal with it or how to handle the whole situation so I just leaned on Kendall- kind of just expected him to lead me in the right direction." This time it was my turn to look at James. "James... Kendall doesn't own you," I told him, looking the tall brunet straight into his hazel eyes. "You are your own person; completely. You can't let someone else lead your life James; especially not Kendall. 'Cause we both know that what he makes us do isn't always exactly what we expected. It's not fair to yourself to let someone take control of what you do. It's not their decision- it's yours. I know for a fact that you're strong, smart, and old enough to make your own judgments." I felt as if I was in some sappy T.V show or movie but I couldn't bring myself to care. I had to make sure that James knew what he was capable of.

"I know," he said, hanging his head down, his hair flapping around his face. "It's just that I'm so used to trusting Kendall that it became kind of natural... routine. But I know that I shouldn't do that anymore. I was graced with a brain and I plan on using it," he declared with a smile, me giving a wide one back. "Now that's what I like to hear." James lifted up his head, still smiling a little bit. "Thanks Carlos... for everything. You're a really good friend. We are friends right? Because I just assumed..." I put a hand up, signaling him to stop, which he did. "Yes. We're friends again. If that fine with you that is." I raised my eyebrow, asking a silent question. I was answered when James pulled me into a bear hug, making me lose my balance and nearly topple over. I let out a bark of laughter and hugged him back. "I suppose that's a 'yes'." He laughed as well and nodded.

I smiled, but it faded slightly. I still felt as though something- or someone- else was missing. Just one more piece and I think I'd be complete again.

**a.n: So I hoped that you liked that chapter. I actually did a lot, especially the part when he was on the roof. . Okay, I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there's only like one or two more chapters left in this story. After I deal with Kendall, there's not much I can do. And I'm 99.9% sure that there's not going to be a sequel. Sorry. :(. I hope there's no hard feelings.**

**Please review? They make me so happy!**

**Later peepz! **


	14. Mr Lonely

**a.n: Hey everybody! Look I know that it's been a while since I've updated but I have my reasons that I'd rather not talk about right now. But if you're really curious... I guess you could PM me and I'll see if I feel comfortable enough. But no more sad talk! Here's the 14****th**** chapter of **_**'Sticks and Stones'. **_**As much as I hate to admit it this is the second last chapter of this story. . The last chapter will probably be more of an epilogue. **

**Thanks to: **_out-of-reach__**, **__honeymunchkinz__**,**__ Hikari No Kasai__**, **__Anonymous Skrtle__**, **__DrowningInTheRainbow__**, **__bluestring__**, **__chocolate-colombo__**, **__Carla__**, and **__NoctePluvia _**for reviewing. You guys are the bestest people in the entire world and I LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEE you. **

**Disclaimer: I STILL don't own BTR or anything else that you may recognize. **

Chapter 14: Mr. Lonely

**Kendall POV **

My mom told me that when I was younger I hated to see people use glass cups. Wine glasses, shot glasses... everything. She said it was because before my dad left he would come home drunk and angry and throw around glasses and they'd break. Whenever we went to restaurants and I saw that the other people there had glass cups I'd get upset and mad, and sometimes I'd even throw mini temper tantrums. She also said that it was some kind of psychological thing. I hated seeing people hurt and I guess in a way "broken". I supposed that made sense when I thought about my previous primarily caring attitude.

This was the first thing that I thought about when I woke up this morning. It'd been about 2 weeks since James befriended Carlos again. That meant that it was about 2 weeks since I was left alone. I usually don't mind being alone. Most of the time I'm quite independent anyway, but this kind of alone was something that I had never experienced. When I was off doing my own thing I knew that no matter what I'd always have my friends behind me when I came back. But this kind of alone... I didn't like it. Because I could do whatever I wanted but no one would be there to support me, back me up, or help me get out of a difficult situation. I let out a deep sigh, knowing that today was about to get even worse.

I swung my long legs over the bed, the limbs feeling as though they had lead running through them as opposed to blood. In fact, my whole body felt this way. I groaned but gradually stood up; making my way to the bathroom that Carlos and I shared.

Carlos.

I know that I should have apologized for what I did. Though everyone at the Palm Woods may think so, I'm not a heartless person. I know full well that what I did was wrong, but how can I apologize now? I mean, it's a miracle that he forgave James. But me? I don't stand a chance. There's no way on Earth he'd let me talk to him. There's an even smaller chance that Stephanie would let me be of speaking range. But if I forget about that and pretend that I'm allowed to talk to him I have no idea what I'd say. There nothing I _can_say. Because I'm pretty sure that 'sorry for being the crappiest friend that ever graced the Earth and tearing out your heart but I hope that you can forgive me' probably just won't cut it. I shook my head, doing my best to clear my head of these thoughts. This was the last thing that I wanted to think about right now.

After brushing my teeth, showering, and getting dressed, I slipped on my grey beanie and a pair of matching grey Converse. I exited my room, not at all surprised to see the whole apartment empty and isolated. If tumbleweed had passed through while a gust of wind blew I honestly wouldn't have been surprised. Striding through to the kitchen I just grabbed an apple for my breakfast, taking a large bite out of it. Deciding that I wasn't up for eating an apple alone in a deserted home, I left the apartment and headed for the pool.

The elevator doors opened and I stepped inside, pressing the 'L' button. I took another bite out the apple as I was transported to the lobby. The doors had opened again and I exited the lift. I threw my apple core into a nearby garbage and sauntered further into the lobby.

Stares. Angry, hateful, and disgusted stares were all I was aware of as I made my way through the popular gathering place. It's been happening for weeks now. Before it used to be just Stephanie, but ever since Carlos' birthday it's been the entire Palm Woods. Even Bitters gave me a death glare as I passed his desk. I didn't acknowledge any of it though. I pretended as if I didn't notice that anyone else was there. Because I knew that if I did people would think that it affected me. It did; but they don't need to know that. So I ignored the harsh glares as I paraded through the lobby.

Right before I entered the pool area I slipped on the sunglasses that I had quickly grabbed before I left the apartment. I inwardly sighed in relief as the Californian sun shone down upon me. The looks by the pool were even worse than the ones in the lobby, but once again I failed to show them that I cared. It was weird. Before I would always be greeted with smiles and welcoming glances, the occasional flirtatious ones coming toward me from some girls as well. But it seemed as though someone and flicked a switch and the happy, loving looks turned into hateful, angry ones. Even the Jennifers were sending me glares like this, and not because I was trying to flirt with them. By now I had somewhat gotten used to the upsetting facial expressions. Does that mean that it doesn't hurt me anymore? Of course not. It really hurts, knowing that people that used to care about you now hate you and are determined to make you know that. But it's something that I'm going to have to get used to while I'm here in L.A at the Palm Woods. There's no avoiding it.

I walked to a sun lounger, sprawling myself onto it. I crossed my legs at the ankles, my arms crossing as well. I sat there in the sun, watching as some of the other hotel occupants passed by. I lay there for a solid twenty minutes before I heard the sun lounger on my left creaking slightly. I glanced over, my green eyes widening in surprise. Beside me was the person that I least expected to be next to me.

"Carlos?" I questioned in astonishment. I quickly realized my mistake, straightening up and doing my best to look and sound nonchalant. "What are you doing here?" I asked, staring directly in front of me once again.

I heard him scoff. "To sit and enjoy the sun. Is that okay with you, or will you dump fruit punch all over me again for it?" He asked sarcastically. I rolled my eyes in a silent response. "Sit wherever you want," I replied monotonously. "I honestly don't care." So he did. He sat there, texting on his phone for about ten minutes before he spoke up again.

"How does it feel?" He inquired randomly. It took all the will in my body not to turn and give him a quizzical look. "How does what feel?" I asked, once again making my voice emotionless and uncaring. What he said next caught me totally off guard. "Being lonely and upset all the time." This time I did turn my head to the side, giving him angry and questioning look. "_Excuse me_?" He shrugged. "Being lonely and sad. I mean, I know how it feels too. When I was forced to be alone and stuff all the time... it didn't feel too good. And I know that you're going through the same stuff so-" This is where I decided to cut him off. "Okay first off, I'm not sad or lonely or whatever. I'm doing just fine without you or Logan or James. Just because you were sad and lonely, doesn't mean that everyone else is too." I stared ahead of me once again, a scowl tattooed onto my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carlos narrowing his eyes, giving me a disbelieving look.

"Y'know Kendall," he began. I let out a large, audible sigh rubbing my temples with each of my index fingers. "I'm not as stupid as you and the other people at the Palm Woods think I am. You may be able to fool the others with this whole _'I-don't-care-about-anything'_act but you can't fool me. In case you've seem to forgotten, we used to be best friends. Even if we aren't anymore that doesn't mean that I don't remember how you act." I still wasn't looking at him but I did have an ear open. I hate to admit it, but a part of me wanted to know what he was going to say. "I'm not as oblivious as everyone likes to think I am. I know that the only reason that you treat people the way that you've treated me lately is if they did something that you felt threatened you, your friends, or your family. You'd never treat anyone like that Kendall. You'd greet everyone with a warm smile, even those seen as unpopular or uncool. It was your nature. So I know that you wouldn't treat me like that just because you wanted to."

"You know what you did," I interrupted, his hands now by my sides and in clenched in fists. "Yeah well people have done much worse and you never them as badly as you treated me," he growled angrily. "So I must've done something else that was really wrong. Or maybe someone else had and you decided that it would be the perfect opportunity to take it out on me. So if I did something wrong please just tell me

so that I can apologize! And if someone else did something wrong then tell me so I can help. Just please anything Kendall!" His voice had gone from accusatory and angry to desperate and upset.

"No one did anything," I replied stonily.

"Don't lie to me Kendall," he warned harshly. "Because even though most people can't, I can see exactly when you lie. Especially when you lie to me."

"It was my Dad." Oh no. I hadn't meant to say that- not at all. I had meant to say _'I'm not lying to_ _anyone. Now leave me alone so I can relax here in peace.' _I hadn't meant to tell him the root of all my problems! But now that it had slipped out, there was no way that Carlos would let me off of the hook now.

When I looked over at him out of the corner of my eye I saw him give me look that said 'continue'. So reluctantly, I did.

**xoxoxo**

_It was the Friday night before all of the series of events occurred. It was late at night, on the brink of midnight and only one person in all of the Palm Woods was awake. Kendall Knight sat on the vibrant orange couch that was placed in the apartment of 2J. He sat forward on the piece of furniture, his butt barely on the cushions. His hands were clasped tightly together and his elbows lay upon his knees. His beautiful green eyes were locked onto the large screen of the plasma T.V that was playing, the volume low as to not awake any of the other occupants of the apartment. Kendall had stayed up so he could watch the highlights of the Minnesota Wild game that had shown a few hours before, when he was still at the studio. He tried to persuade his friends to watch it with him, but they complained of sore muscles and being tired. _'Silly stuff,'_ Kendall thought to himself. He was so focused on the sports reporter in front of him that he didn't hear the shrill ring of the telephone until it had rang twice already. He jumped off of the couch and sped to the phone, knowing that all of the other residents could be __**very **__cranky when they didn't receive at least eight hours of their sleep. He picked up the phone from off of the charger, answering it in a slightly hushed voice._

"Hello?" He answered, just loud enough for the person on the other end to hear him but not loud enough to disturb his family and friends.

"Kendall! Just the person I wanted to talk to!"

The blond froze. Even though it's been 8 years since he heard it last, Kendall recognized the voice instantly.

"Dad?" He choked out, uttering the one word leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Kenny boy! How has my favourite son been doing?" The man asked in an over excited voice. "How did you get this number?" Kendall replied instead. His free hand was clenched in a fist and the thumb on the hand that was holding the phone was twitching, eager to press the 'end call' button. "I have my ways. Now, I have a proposition for ya," his father claimed. "And what would that be?" Kendall asked although he really didn't give a crap as to what it was. "How would you and your sister Katie," Kendall fisted the phone harder as the man that he once considered a hero mentioned his sister. "... Like to live with me?"

And that's when Kendall snapped.

It took all of his willpower not to yell into the phone.

"Live with you?" He questioned angrily. "After all of the crap that you made my sister, mom and I go through? Since I was 3 there wasn't a night where you didn't come back home either drunk, or high! When I was 5 you started... you started to

_**hit**__ me. You hit me and my mom and you would yell, and scream, and-and throw stuff around... and it was so scary. You made me go through the scariest time of my life and now you're asking to just take my sister and I away from our __**REAL**__family?"_

Kendall was seething now. He was struggling to keep his composure and struggling even more to stay quiet for the sake of the others. He could feel himself physically shaking in fury, not remembering a time where he was so upset at someone.

"... Kendall... I've changed," his dad said calmly. Kendall could've scoffed at the statement but decided to keep his mouth shut for the time being. "I know that you must think that I'm an awful human being but I'm not anymore; I promise! I went to rehab and I've been sober for almost two years now! I live in a condo and I have a steady job as a security guard. And I work at a bar some days too."

Kendall snorted at this. "So you tell me that you've been sober for almost two years... and then you tell me that you work at a bar? In case you're too drunk most of the time to notice, bars have alcohol! So don't you dare lie to me and tell me that you've been sober for two years!"

"Kendall," Kevin Knight called calmly. "I work as a bouncer at the bar. I do my best not to get near the alcohol." Kendall's grip on the phone lessened, but not by much. He realized that he had never heard his father speak with such a genuine and honest tone. He also came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, his father might be telling the truth. "I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you and your mother and your sister as well. I know that calling and apologizing over the phone can't make up for what I've caused but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sincerely sorry for

_**everything**__. It was a time in my life that I should've made the best of but instead I made it the worst. When I got laid off it just... made me angry. Believe it or not the first thing that passed through my mind when they told me I was fired was: _'how am I going support my family?'_ I knew that you're mom only worked three days a week and I knew that it wouldn't be enough to pay bills and for food and take care of the three of us. And when I couldn't get another job I got frustrated and just drank my problems away. Then that led to the _

_drugs and... Oh God it was the worst decision I ever made in my life. But those things... they're addicting. I couldn't bring myself to stop and then I came home drunk and high and I would hurt you." He let out a shuddering sigh. "It was something that I tried to let go of but I didn't. I couldn't. I should've tried harder but I didn't and you and your mother suffered because of that. She tried to get me to go into rehab but I didn't. It would mean saying goodbye to my drugs and alcohol and that was the hardest thing that I ever could have done at that stage in my life. I'm sorry, okay? For everything. For the drugs, the alcohol, the abuse, for being a dead-beat dad. Everything. I just hope that you can forgive me."_

Kendall was dumbfounded. He absolutely couldn't believe what he had just heard. It was heartbreaking and overwhelming and he didn't know what to do. His father sounded truthful. More truthful than he can remember ever hearing him sound.

"Dad.. just because you say that you have a steady job, and have a house and that you're sober doesn't excuse the fact that you left us. You were yelling and screaming and throwing things around... I watched as you pushed my mom around like she was nothing. You didn't care that she was pleading for you to stop. You didn't care that she was crying so hard that she could hardly breathe... You barely noticed when I came downstairs to try to get you to stop; you just pushed me to the side. Then you just left. You grabbed your suitcase and you were shouting all these things that I couldn't even understand. Before I even got the chance to understand what was going on you left. After that there were no phonecalls, no e-mails, no texts, NOTHING. The emotional and mental damage was far worse than the physical damage Dad. And trust me; that was bad. Mom broke 2 ribs and sprained her wrist. You left a woman who hardly had a job to fend for two kids all on her own. We barely survived. The electricity would cut out randomly and there'd be nights were we'd get little or no food. Did you know that Dad? Did you know that you're nine-year-old son and three-year-old daughter almost STARVED to death? Course not. You've never cared about us. Not since you spiraled out of control anyway. I had to grow up way to fast because of you Dad. I became the man of the house. I took your place. I got a job when I was 12 and pretended to be 14 just so that we would have a little more money. Mom already worked 3 jobs. That meant that I'd have to pick Katie up from her daycare and drop her off and take care of her after school. Don't you think that's a lot for some kids to go through? Not that you care. After all, you are the reason why that happened.

"Dad... I can't forgive you. You may have changed or whatever but that doesn't CHANGE the fact that you left! That doesn't mean that you didn't hit me or come home drunk or high every night! That doesn't mean that you neglected your only son and almost killed your only daughter before she was even born! I don't care if you changed or apologized because that doesn't excuse anything. I can't- just- don't call here anymore. We don't want you in our lives anymore. We're just fine without you now. Leave us alone. You had your chance and you blew it. That's your own fault."

Kendall's free hand was now violently clutching the countertop, the limb so white that it matched the fresh snow that fell in Minnesota back when Kendall was a child. Kendall listened as he heard a sigh and

_a crackle from the other end of the phone._

"Alright Big Man," Kevin answered. Kendal cringed as his father used the nickname that he had received when he was only 2. "I understand where you're coming from. Just... please tell your Mom that I called? And that I've been trying to reach her e-mail?"

"No promises," Kendall responded stubbornly. "Alright. Just know that even though I didn't show it before... I love you. I love you and your sister and your mother very much and I wish that I got the chance to show you that before it was too late. I see you on billboards. I can't believe that I helped create such a successful and handsome young man. I can only imagine what Katie looks like. I love you Kendall, okay? Just try to remember that."

Kendall leant over the counter, breathing heavily.

"Bye Dad." And with that, he pressed the 'end call' button.

Kendall let the phone slip from his hands and fall onto the counter with a loud clatter. The noise was masked by the sobs coming from the tall, blond boy. Kendall himself slid onto the ground, folding himself into a ball. After years of keeping his true emotions pent up, the dam he built had broke and there was no stopping the waterworks that came. Clear, salty tears escaped the boys beautiful green eyes and cascaded down his face. They poured faster and faster each second, each tear larger than the last. Kendall lay there weeping silently for just over an hour before he forced his tears to stop. He wiped his face and stood up, composing himself. He returned the cordless phone to its rightful place and slowly entered the living room and turned off the T.V, the hockey game recap long forgotten.

He made his way to his room and silently closed the door behind him. He dragged himself over to his bed and lay down, emotionally drained.

There was no way that his Dad was going to get near his family.

Not if he could help it.

**xoxoxo**

By now I had tears in my eyes and I hastily wiped them away with the back of my hand. "I guess that I was so upset with my Dad that I took it out on you. I don't really know why I didn't stop treating you like that after I realized it... Look I'm not good at this apologizing, mushy stuff but... Carlos what I did was just me being an idiot and not thinking before I acted. I'm mad at my Dad, okay? Not you. God, is it even possible to be mad at you? I know that I probably did a perfect job at seeming like I was but I'm not. I'm mad at my Dad and made it seem as though I was upset at you. I just hope that after all of this we can

maybe be friends. And I _really_hope that you don't hate me... too much."

I sat there, my hands in my lap and my thumbs twiddling. My hidden eyes darted side to side, waiting for his response.

"Y'know," he began suddenly, making me jump. "I tried _**really hard **_to hate you Kendall. I tried hard to hate James and Logan too but you more so. With every muscle, cell, bone and every fiber of my body, I tried to bring myself to hate you. But I couldn't. I don't think that there is a hating bone in my body. Kendall you're my best friend. We've been through a lot together; whether it be just you and I or all four of us. And I'm not willing to throw all of that out yet." I gave a huge sigh of relief and I let my tense shoulders slump. "Besides," he smirked. "It's not the same without our trouble-making leader." I lightly punched his shoulder as we both chuckled.

"And before you ask," he included quickly. "Yes, we're friends again."

"Who said that I wanted to be your friend?" I asked. Carlos looked at me in disbelief before he caught on. "Oh, you are SO dead," he threatened. "You gotta catch me first, shortie." I stuck my tongue out at him and got up quickly, running as I saw him do the same.

"You're gonna get it Kendork!"

I laughed a true, genuine laugh, the first in a long time. Finally, I'm not lonely anymore.

**a.n: So now Carlos is friends with all three boys now! Yay! I liked that chapter. What do you guys think? AND WHAT DID YOU THINK OF BIG TIME MOVIE? I loved it. I was admittedly kinda unsure but I really enjoyed it. Carlos looked so sexy! I swear I almost died. **

**I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter. Tell me what'cha think by pressing the 'review' button and leaving me one. And tell me what you think of Kendall and his Dad. Love you guys! Oh and by the way, I'm considering changing my Author name or whatever it's called. I want your opinon since your my readers. I'm fine whether or not I change it but I know how confused I am when someone changes their name so I wanna know what you think. Thanks!**

**Later peepz! **


End file.
